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Cats in Hats
by Jo Clark'A gentle coffee-time read. A hug in book form. Beautiful and amusing.' – Milly Johnson___________________Cats may have nine lives but they like to dress to the nines as well. This is the ultimate cat book you never knew you needed: cats in a glorious array of hats. Step inside the wonderful wardrobe of cats and get ready to see their transfurrmation. This gem of a book features an adorable display of cats donning hats for all occasions, from the beret to the fedora and the sombrero to the tiara. Featuring full-colour illustrations from artist Jo Clark, alongside witty descriptions of cats from around the world, this is the purrfect book to inspire your kitty’s new closet. From essential looks such as David Meow-ie to the Avocato, your furry fashionista is only a paw away from sartorial greatness… From the publisher of the hit Life Lessons I Learned from my Cat and Cattitude.
The Christmas Joke Book for Funny Kids
by Imogen Currell-Williams Andrew PinderA new title in the ‘Buster Laugh-a-lot’ series and an ideal stocking filler, this hilarious collection has hundreds of jolly jokes for funny kids to share at Christmas.Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?Santa Jaws.What do you call an elf who has just won the lottery?Welfy.How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?He looks at his calen-deer.Stuffed full of festive fun, this book has over 300 Christmas jokes, including cracking one-liners, silly puns, tongue twisters, knock knocks and much more. Designed to be easy to read with wonderfully silly illustrations for extra laughs, this hilarious collection will keep jokers entertained for hours over Christmas. Also available in the 'Buster Laugh-a-lot' series:9781780556260 Jokes for Funny Kids: 6 Year Olds9781780556246 Jokes for Funny Kids: 7 Year Olds 9781780556253 Jokes for Funny Kids: 8 Year Olds9781780557168 The Jumbo Joke Book for Funny Kids
Christmas Jokes for Grumpy Blokes
by Nick HarrisChristmas comes but once a year... and in the world of the grumpy bloke, that’s once too often! But turn that frown upside down with the hundreds of jokes and one-liners in this book of festive fun.There’s nothing like a good laugh to chase away the winter blues or cheer yourself up and, let’s face it, some people need it more than others! Make sure the grumpy bloke in your life is well entertained (even when he really doesn’t want to be) by the gags and jokes in this whopping compendium of Christmas funnies from a veritable master of the art, Nick Harris.From Christmas jumpers to sad-sack Santas and from broken tree lights to shocking Christmas dinners, there are jokes aplenty to raise a smile in even the grumpiest bloke ... okay then, a chortle ... the merest hint of an upturned lip ...? Oh, come on, it’s FUNNY!
Come Back with the Wind
by Les DawsonA classic story of the endless battle between the North and the South of England, Come Back With the Wind tells a humorous tale of how the threat of an embargo on whiskey sales to the South leads to civil war and a possible permanent split between the two proud regions. The late Les Dawson - author, beloved television comedian and game show host - has created a timeless account of love, honour and alcohol that sits perfectly in the great chronicles of the struggles of the North-South divide. Battle lines will be drawn, friendships and family ties tested and kegs tapped as the path to war approaches, albeit with a hiccough or two.
Cringe: Toe-Curlingly Embarrassing Teenage Diaries, Letters and Bad Poetry
by Sarah BrownWho among us hasn't suffered from the trauma of adolescence? Of great loves gained and lost all in a day and friendships forever destroyed - only to be rekindled the following Monday morning? And which of us can honestly say that we don't have a secret collection of diaries, poems and crazed love letters stashed somewhere, a cringeworthy, but touching reminder of how simple it all was once? Well, you're not alone. Cringe features a fist-chewingly embarrassing collection of genuine teenage musings, alongside some self-examination, background and asides from the now so-called grown-ups who once wrote them. Re-enter the wonderfully melodramatic world of the teenage mind as Cringe provides a glimpse of the adolescent experience in all its navel-gazing glory.
The Customer's Always Wrong: Stupid Things Shoppers Say
by Geoff TibballsCustomers do say the dumbest things, and this hilarious book contains a whole host of crass, stupid and just plain odd requests and queries heard on the high street. Featuring laugh out loud remarks from coffee shops and supermarkets to bars and bookshops, read safely in the knowledge that you would never make the same embarrassing errors (would you?), as The Customer's Always Wrong illustrates just how silly people can be.
Dad-isms: The Crazy Things Dads Say and Do
by Geoff TibballsA hilarious (or groan-worthy) look at the rite of passage that all dads go through.Do you think your jokes are hilarious, without fail? Ever thought something was sidesplittingly funny only to have the rest of your family look at you with pity and disdain? It probably means that you’ve succumbed to the daft, ill-advised things all Dads say and do – the things you swore you’d never do! – you’ve fallen for Dad-isms.In this hilarious book you’ll find embarrassing anecdotes and true stories, cringeworthy jokes, sayings, quotes and all manner of quirky nonsense that dads come up with to keep you (but mostly him) amused.From excruciating things dads say at weddings to the cheesy phrases that make you sigh but him guffaw, from dad dancing to the crazy things they save up for the most inappropriate moments ... these dad-isms are so bad they’re almost good.
The Dads' Book: For the Dad Who's Best at Everything
by Michael HeatleyThis is the book no self-respecting father should be without. The Dads' Book is an amusing and informative miscellany of jokes, facts and tongue-in-cheek survival techniques for the Dad wishing to excel at the art of fatherhood. This is not only a book of practical advice, but also includes cunning tips on how to maintain your position as Number One Dad without becoming a cross between a punchbag, taxi driver and general slave. Includes bizarre yet invaluable tips handed down from generations of fathers on: How to build the best tree house Things to do with your kids on a rainy day Twenty ways to find peace and quiet How to make beer breaks part of play timePublished in time for Father's Day, The Dads' Book celebrates the wonder of dad-hood, while allowing you to work on being best at everything and retain your sanity at the same time.
Dan's Inferno: A Parody
by Dan T. AlighieriRobert Blandon is the world's greatest puzzleologist. Crosswords, Rubik's Cubes, Sudokus - he can do them all. When he flies to Florence to visit a renowned professor, Blandon finds himself drawn into a mysterious web of underground tunnels, secret societies and really hard anagrams.Extensively researched by looking at Wikipedia and talking to a man in a bar about conspiracy theories, Dan's Inferno is a must-read for anyone who thinks words are more exciting when they're in italics.Like the fourteenth-century epic poem that inspired it, this is a compelling, timeless masterpiece you haven't read, and is guaranteed to shock, awe and remind you of bestelling novels of the twenty-first century. This is the ideal purchase for readers who prefer a little more humour in their generic genius protagonist.
Diary of a Grumpy Old Git: Getting through life one rant at a time
by Tim CollinsIf Adrian Mole had grown up to be a grumpy old git who had to cope with failed marriage and a life-sucking job, and worse, whose colleagues actually thought he was a miserable old git, he might be a bit like Dave Cross.Diary of a Grumpy Old Git is the laugh-out-loud diary of Dave Cross, a man who thought he was reasonably cheerful until someone from his office bought him a 'Grumpy Old Man' diary for Christmas. Determined to prove them wrong, he resolves to be positive for an entire year. But it's not easy when your wife has run off with an estate agent called Brad and you've got a young, ambitious new boss who is determined to make you actually do some work. Add to this the everyday horrors of public transport, shopping, technology, popular culture and dating, and a sunny outlook is too much to ask. But with his fiftieth birthday fast approaching, Dave is determined to make his life less shambolic. Fantastically witty and painfully accurate, Diary of a Grumpy Old Git will appeal to anyone, grumpy old git or otherwise...
Diary of a Wimpy Vampire: The Undead Have Feelings Too
by Tim CollinsLike Edward Cullen in Twilight, Nigel Mullet was transformed into a vampire when he was still a teenager, and will remain this age forever. Unfortunately, Nigel became a vampire at the awkward age of fifteen, and must spend eternity coping with acne, a breaking voice, and an ineptitude with girls . . . In this, his excruciatingly funny diary, Nigel chronicles his increasingly desperate attempts to be noticed by the love of his life, Chloe Sparrow, the constant mortification caused by his vampire parents (not to mention the worry that they might accidentally eat one of his friends), and the frustration one feels when you've got the whole of boring eternity stretching out in front of you and you can't even have a lie-in (vampires don't sleep). Forced to hang out with the Goths and emo kids due to his pale skin and social awkwardness, and constantly battling his embarrassingly overwhelming desire to sink his fangs into Chloe's neck, will Nigel ever get his girl? Fantastically witty and hugely entertaining, this fun and accessible diary will appeal to anyone, teenage or otherwise . . .*Winner of the Lincolnshire Young People's Book Award 2012
Diary Of Dorkius Maximus
by Tim CollinsDorkius Maximus is a young boy growing up in ancient Rome. This hilarious diary recounts his exploits as, desperate to become a great Roman hero, Dorkius enlists the help of his father's friend, Stoutus, to teach him the noble art of fighting. But heroism doesn't come naturally to Dorkius. Plus, his dad doesn't listen to him, his friends pick on him, and his mum is more interested in her sacred chickens. Dorkius knows there's a mighty warrior inside him, just waiting to get out ... isn't there? Humorously illustrated by Andrew Pinder, this book will delight any child who would like to get a taste of life as an ancient geek.
Diary Of Dorkius Maximus In Egypt (Dorkius Maximus Ser.)
by Tim CollinsThe brilliant follow up to Diary Of Dorkius Maximus. When Dorkius is invited by Julius Caesar on a trip to Egypt he's in for one big adventure. In a hilarious string of events, Dorkius encounters the 13-year-old King Ptolemy (that spoilt brat) and his not-so-beautiful sister Cleopatra, whom he introduces to Caesar and thus brings about one of the greatest love stories of all time (it involves a carpet), and ultimately the defeat of the pharaoh...
Diary Of Dorkius Maximus In Pompeii
by Tim CollinsThe fantastic third instalment in the Dorkius series sees the young protagonist travel to Pompeii for more silly mayhem. Can Dorkius save the townsfolk from the dreaded volcano or will he fall at the first hurdle?Dorkius is annoyed when he has to move with his family to Pompeii for the summer. He has to leave behind all the joys of Rome for a boring small town. He finds the people of Pompeii to be even more superstitious than his mum, and watches in disbelief as they base all their decisions around animal innards readings.Things brighten up when he meets a local girl called Decima who's convinced a demon is haunting nearby Mount Vesuvius. They go off to investigate and Dorkius finds that the demonic rumbles are coming from inside the volcano itself. Convinced that Vesuvius is about to erupt, Dorkius rushes down to the town to warn everyone, but they take no notice.Dorkius and Fabricus flee the city and watch from a distance as the volcano erupts. When they get back to the town, they find that everyone survived, although there was minor damage to property. Dorkius warns the townsfolk that their city could face a more deadly eruption, but they refuse to worry about it as long as their animal innards tell them they're safe.By award winning author Tim Collins, and with amusing illustrations from Andrew Pinder.
The Dolly Llama: Words of Wisdom from a Spiritual Animal
by Stephen Morrison‘Ridiculous and funny’ – GREG DAVIES‘In a fast-moving world, the only self-help book I recommend is this collection of the words from the Dolly Llama’ – ED GAMBLELlama Karma lies within you.The Dolly Llama, the world’s first behooved spiritual leader, shares his words of wisdom and spiritual teachings for the first time. In this gem of a book he shows you how cultivate Llama Karma and to bring peace, compassion and ‘cuditation’ (a form of chewing and meditation) into your everyday life.His Gentleness has drawn great inspiration from ‘the four bales of wisdom’ which have helped many grazer browsers before him on the rocky path of life. Take a leaf out of this book and learn how Llama Karma can help you harness inner calm, as well as cope with everyday problems like hoof infection. The perfect gift for llama-lovers, spiritualists and animal-lovers alike.
A Dyslexic Walks Into a Bra: A compendium of the best jokes, gags and one-liners
by Nick HarrisIt's the classic gags that keep people laughing time after time, and Nick Harris has collected together a bumper batch of the best jokes that are guaranteed to have anyone rolling in the aisles. With jokes ranging from the classic subjects (man walks into a bar, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, marriage and divorce and more) to laugh-a-minute one-liners and the downright surreal, there is a wealth of hilarious subject matter to keep readers entertained. This is the perfect stocking filler for anyone that loves a good old laugh.
Eats, Shites & Leaves: Crap English and How to Use It
by A. ParodyFeaturing a plethora of examples that show how to get the worst out of the world's most commonly spoken language, Eats, Shites and Leaves is a wittily informative insight into how the English language can be used and abused in the twenty-first century
F My Life: And You Thought You'd Had a Bad Day...
by The authors of fmylife.comThe idea is simple: in a few sentences, people describe the various moments that have ruined their day. From the sublime and ridiculous to the truly mortifying, these snapshot anecdotes are all 100 per cent genuine, and very, very funny. 'Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded, "I bet you'd probably like to!" FML''Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises. I assumed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML''Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from hitting the wall. FML''Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy of her Twilight book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML''Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said, "Yes." My mom laughed and said, "Good one." My dad, for added effect, said, "Your hand doesn't count." FML'
Fifty Shades of Mr Darcy: A Parody
by William Codpiece ThwackeryElizabeth Bennet had been brought up to be a proper lady - with perfect manners, skilled in conversation and well respected in her community. But when Mr Elliot Bingley comes to court Lizzy's sister, she is given the opportunity to learn a somewhat different skill set upon her introduction to his friend, a Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. It only takes one chance meeting with this tall, dark stranger for Lizzy to be lured into Darcy's secret world of lascivious practices and lusty urges. Drawn like a moth to his flame, Lizzy is the mistress of her own undoing, for Darcy has made no protestations of love; indeed, his intentions were made plain from the outset. But even the most innocent and well brought-up of young ladies have urges, and as Lizzy learns that a riding crop isn't just used for going riding on her pony, a whole new world is revealed to her, shaded black and leather-clad.
Fifty Shades of Victorian Desire: An Anthology Of Victorian Erotica
by Davina CharlestonLong before the days of Christian Grey and Ana Steele, the Victorian era was a time of dangerous passion and insatiable desire. Fifty Shades of Victorian Desire reveals the secret world of Victorian erotica, in a tantalizing anthology of lust, pleasure and pain. This sensual collection leaves no fantasy unexplored, no whip uncracked, no heaving bosom untouched, no maidenhood unravished. A vintage world of erotic bliss, for the bold and adventurous reader.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum: The World's Oldest Joke Book
by Dan CromptonThey say the old ones are the best, and this long-negelcted collection of jokes revived from the archives of Ancient Greece confirms that in some cases this is true, and in others it really isn't. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum is the first commercial translation of Philogelos - a 1600-year-old collection of Greek jokes. From absurd situations to general stupididity, farting to foolishness, this book contains a wealth of jokes, some of which still hit the mark and some that will have you groaning with laughter, even if it is because they're so bad, they're good! Includes such 'old chestnuts' as: At a woman's funeral, a stranger solemnly asks, 'Who is resting here?' 'I am!' cries the widower, 'Now that she's gone!'From the sublime to the ridiculous, and despite some humour appearing to have been 'lost in translation', this bizarre collection of quips from our comedy forefathers is guaranteed to raise a smile.
The Good Samaritan Bites the Dust: The Amazing Way the Bible Influences Our Everyday Language
by Ferdie AddisEver claimed that there is 'no rest for the wicked', judged something as 'sour grapes', or rallied friends by shouting 'eat, drink and be merry'? Knowingly or not, you have been quoting from the Bible. The English language features countless biblically-derived phrases that are used by people on a day-to-day basis, yet the user often does not know the origin or meaning behind them. However, there is a wealth of fascinating stories and history to be learned. The Good Samaritan Bites the Dust offers a light-hearted and fascinating look at the stories behind the expressions - explaining where in the Bible these familiar phrases appear and describing the colourful biblical backdrop to their origination, from epic battles to acts of betrayal, miracles and beyond. For those familiar, and not so familiar with the Bible, this is a wonderful look at the gripping storytelling and cultural wealth to be found in the world's bestselling book, as well as an intriguing insight into our language.
The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life
by Geoff Tibballs'You'll laugh out loud and take delight in the gripes of the moaners out there' - The SunFrom Bob Geldof to Winston Churchill, Jeremy Clarkson to Victor Meldrew, the world has always produced its share of grumpy, moody, pessimistic and world-weary types. We all know one!They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat.The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.
He Took My Kidney, Then Broke My Heart
by Dave SpikeyEveryone knows that their local newspaper has its own unique idea of what is newsworthy - and how these fascinating, and sometimes bizarre, happenings should be shared with the community. In He Took My Kidney, Then Broke My Heart, Dave Spikey lampoons a collection of the most outrageous, amusing and downright farcical local news stories from the past few years. All the articles are 100-per-cent genuine, ranging from 'Fun with Ferrets at the YMCA' (Halifax Courier) to the intriguingly titled, 'Llama Drama Ding Dong' (Lancashire Evening Post). Each news story is framed and analysed by Dave's comic running commentary. From the man who stole a Grim Reaper costume from Morecambe Town Hall, to the Leicester student who opted for suicide-bomber fancy dress (and then strolled through his city centre), no story is safe from Dave's laugh-out-loud mockery, as he pokes fun at the articles and their protagonists with his trademark wit and humour.
The History of Farting
by Benjamin BartThis is a collection of papers from the Bart Collection on the history of farting. The collection was started by Benjamin Bart on discovering several papers in his grandmother Emily's cedar chest, and are available with the help of the Australian Literature Council. The book encompasses all aspects of the history of farting, from the place of farts in culture through the ages to an A-Z of classic farts. Also included are sections on Le Petomane, France's greatest farter whose performances impressed Le Moulin Rouge, and on the Farta from Sparta, the old rugby club favourite immortalized in 12-verse epic limerick. For the medically-minded, a chapter considers the physiology of farting.