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Brand New Friend
by Mike Gayle'Funny and well-observed, this is another sure-fire hit' HeatWhen Rob's girlfriend asks him to leave London and live with her in Manchester not only will it mean moving cities, it'll also mean leaving behind his best mate in the entire world. Believing that love conquers all and convinced of his ability to make new friends, Rob takes the plunge.Six months in, and yet to find so much as a regular drinking buddy, Rob realises that sometimes making friends in your thirties can be the hardest thing to do. With drastic action needed, his girlfriend puts an ad in the classifieds for him. Three excruciatingly embarrassing "bloke dates" later, Rob begins to truly despair. Until his luck changes . . .There's just one problem. Apart from knowing less than nothing about music trivia, football, and the vital statistics of supermodels, Rob's new friend has one huge flaw . . .She's a girl.
Bush Yoga
by Daniel Cota"Bush" and "Yoga" might seem like two words that don't go together but think again. Believe it or not, our 43rd President has tapped into the fountainhead of compassion and wisdom that comes from one of the world's most ancient practices. Bush Yoga offers a rare glimpse into the private, spiritual life of the world's most powerful man. As you walk along the path with George W, you will be privy to never-before-heard stories from his personal life that offer keen insight into his character. Think of it as a Bhagavadgiitaa according to George W. Bush: A book packed with stunning political positions and the wisdom of the ages. Daniel Cota is an artist/entrepreneur whose collection of websites currently draw about 500,000 visitors a year. His most recent project, an experiment in collaborative art, can be found at art.othernet.com. He is currently planning on constructing the world's largest software company, and can sometimes be found playing his self-constructed classical guitar in San Francisco's BART stations.
The Cannae Sutra: The Scots 'Joy of Sex'
by Rupert Besley'A stimulating read' – The Auchernach Free Post & Advertiser'Deeply disturbing' – Auchintoul Gazette 'An accursed, dorty, reeky, drochlin, houremongerin, shaan abomination of a book' – Cluanie Thunderer'Ban this book' – Inchgrundle Times'Ceased trading' – Ardteatle News'Manky, mawkit and downright clarty. My wife loved it! ' – Editor, The Dunfankle Free PressBirds do it. Bees do it. Scots – um . . . Well do they? All is revealed (well, not quite all – this is Scotland) in The Cannae Sutra, a ground-breaking exposé of the nation's best-kept secrets. Sex, it seems, is not what coal is delivered in in Morningside. The nation's best-kept bedroom secrets are laid bare in this full frontal, no-holds barred (but by no means serious) peek at what is under the kilt, on every Scotsman's mind and can be induced by too much Irn Bru and porridge. Just make sure you know your houtie-croutie from you elbuck before embarking upon a bout of houghmagandy. The book contains previously unpublished historical material along with helpful advice on ticklish subjects. Topics covered include: techniques, positions, rubberwear, bondage, group sex, sheep love, Scottish porn, secrets of the sporran, FAQs of Life, shortbread fingers, Gaelic symbols, cybersex, curling and socks.
Cautionary Tales
by Chris AddisonThese are dark days. The world is seething with imbeciles and poltroons. Everywhere the careless and thoughtless are charging about the place in hulking 4x4s, or inviting Channel 4 to come around rather than clean their own homes. So comedian Chris Addison has written CAUTIONARY TALES FOR GROWN-UPS - poems to illustrate the dangers of modern behaviour.The tales include:* The Gloucestershire Horse Club, Who posed Naked for a Charity Calendar.* Phillip, who talked only in Management Speak* Myfanwy, Who answered an Email from a Nigerian Bank Manager * and Fiona and Dave, who had a Wacky WeddingSparklingly wicked and cunningly illustrated, this is a hilarious Struwelpeter for the twenty-first century.
CollegeHumor. The Website. The Book.: Selling Kidneys For Beer Money, Sleeping With Your Professors, Majoring In Communications, And Other Really Good Ideas
by Writers of College HumorThe first (and maybe last, depending on sales) anthology of the hugely popular website CollegeHumor.com!Since 1999, CollegeHumor.com has been home to some of the best comedy online. From its humble, dorm room origins, CollegeHumor has grown to attract over ten million monthly visitors, making it far more popular than any magazine except the one published by the AARP (different demographic). It employs dozens of young comedy writers and performers who, having grown tired of competing with online pornography, have agreed to commit their work to paper in this book.CollegeHumor. The Website. The Book. compiles the staff&’s favorite articles from the first decade of the site&’s existence, plunging the depths of the archive to bring you the very best of the very funny, including such favorites as:Drunk-O-VisionGreat Historical Pickup LinesHonest Cyber SexWhere I Hide My PornThe Riddler Gets LazyInstant Messaging with MomIntroducing Google Smartass And hundreds more that don&’t have catchy enough titles for the back cover!
Confessions of a Failed Grown-Up: Bad Motherhood and Beyond
by Stephanie CalmanIn Confessions of a Bad Mother, Stephanie described how she brought up her children ‘wrong’. Now she unlocks her singular inability (but one which secretly we all share) to grow up: forty-five last birthday but she doesn't feel any older, but of course she does – as in deafer, stiffer, and less able to read the dosage instructions on a bottle of Calpol. But the supposedly normal challenges of human existence feel frequently as though they are beyond her. Life is constantly confusing, frustrating and, at times, overwhelming. At forty-five – but only on paper - she's still a child in a suit, bluffing her way with one eye looking over her shoulder, expecting any minute to be found out and taken back to the nursery. Of course, that isn’t such a bad place to be. Sometimes she even wants to go back there, but is cruelly aware that she no longer fits the chairs. Also featuring Things to Cook in Stilettos When You’re Drunk, Why I am a Time Lord, A Hundred Ways to Wreck an Evening, Ten Things They Don’t Tell You in Biology and The Grown-Ups’ phrase book, Stephanie Calman's candid, touching and hysterically funny new book gives hope to bad mothers and failed grown-ups everywhere: read it and know that you are not alone.
Copper: A Dog's Life
by Lady Annabel GoldsmithA loveable local legend and true character to all who knew him, Copper was no ordinary dog. With more stories to tell than you could count on the pads of one paw, this curly-tailed, shaggy-bearded mongrel (but don't let him hear you call him that) led a truly astonishing life. Famed for his remarkable wanderlust, canine curiosity took him all over the place, from Richmond and Kingston to Brighton, sometimes travelling on buses with his friend Jessie the cat, often stopping off at his favourite pubs, or chasing unsuspecting joggers in the park - a hobby which nearly ended his life.In this delightful book, Copper tells us of his astounding adventures with the finest of tail-wagging wisdom. He sniffs out all the important things in life: the comings and goings, the loves and losses - and, of course, what it's like to live in high society.Sometimes cheeky, most of the time charming, but always cherished, Copper's story is by turns funny and moving, the tale of a real canine hero.
Corgi and Bess: More Wit And Wisdom From The House Of Windsor
by Thomas BlaikieFollowing the success of ‘You Look Awfully Like the Queen’, this is a second anthology of hilarious and touching royal anecdotes, collected by Thomas Blaikie.
Cracking Up: American Humor in a Time of Conflict
by Paul LewisWhat do Jon Stewart, Freddy Krueger, Patch Adams, and George W. Bush have in common? As Paul Lewis shows in Cracking Up, they are all among the ranks of joke tellers who aim to do much more than simply amuse. Exploring topics that range from the sadistic mockery of Abu Ghraib prison guards to New Age platitudes about the healing power of laughter, from jokes used to ridicule the possibility of global climate change to the heartwarming performances of hospital clowns, Lewis demonstrates that over the past thirty years American humor has become increasingly purposeful and embattled. Navigating this contentious world of controversial, manipulative, and disturbing laughter, Cracking Up argues that the good news about American humor in our time—that it is delightful, relaxing, and distracting—is also the bad news. In a culture that both enjoys and quarrels about jokes, humor expresses our most nurturing and hurtful impulses, informs and misinforms us, and exposes as well as covers up the shortcomings of our leaders. Wondering what’s so funny about a culture determined to laugh at problems it prefers not to face, Lewis reveals connections between such seemingly unrelated jokers as Norman Cousins, Hannibal Lecter, Rush Limbaugh, Garry Trudeau, Jay Leno, Ronald Reagan, Beavis and Butt-Head, and Bill Clinton. The result is a surprising, alarming, and at times hilarious argument that will appeal to anyone interested in the ways humor is changing our cultural and political landscapes.
Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe
by Danny WallaceDanny Wallace wanted to write about a place so special and so crucial to our existence that it had never before been tackled: the Centre of the Universe. But then he realised that getting there might be a problem, and when he did, there'd probably be nothing much to write about. Until he heard about a manhole cover, on a small street, in a small town, tucked away in a remote part of Idaho.The manhole cover had been declared the Centre of the Universe. The mayor had the science to back it up. The town rejoiced.And the name of the town?Wallace.It was a cosmic coincidence Danny couldn't resist...
The Darling Buds of May: Book 1 (The Larkin Family Series #1)
by H. E. Bates'Home looks nice. Allus does though, don't it? Perfick'And so the Larkins - Pop, Ma, Mariette, Zinnia, Petunia, Primrose, Victoria and Montgomery - return from an outing for fish and chips and ice cream one May evening. There, amid the rustic charms of home, they discover a visitor: one Cedric Charlton, Her Majesty's inspector of taxes.Mr Charlton is visiting to find out why junk-dealer Pop hasn't paid his tax - but nothing's that simple at the Larkins. Mariette takes a shine to 'Charley' - as Pop calls him - and before long the family have introduced the uncomplaining inspector to the delights of country living: the lusty scents of wild flowers, the pleasures of a bottle of Dragon's Blood, cold cream dribbled over a bowl of strawberries and hot, hot summer nights.In fact, soon Charley can't see any reason to return to the office at all . . .
Dating Amy: 50 True Confessions of a Serial Dater
by Amy DeZellarWith "a voice that's a winning mix of Carrie Bradshaw and David Sedaris", Amy DeZellar hilariously recounts the trials and tribulations of her quest to fall in love (Seattle P-I).Dating today can seem like Alice's tumble down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. Whether starting out or starting again, women face the difficult task of sorting through the good (guy), the bad (boy) and the ugly (morning after) in their search for Mr. Right. Here, giving hope to smart single women everywhere is Amy DeZellar, who bravely dedicated two years of her life to debunking common dating myths and documenting 50 of her dates. She's gone wine-tasting with Indentured Cats, a blind date who also happened to be blind; been accosted in a cornfield by Glitter Ball, a lounge musician who grew up with the Beatles; and found her artistic sentiments at odds with her desire for financial security when she simultaneously got involved with a painter named Harry Potter and a NASA super-computer designer named Teflon, all in her quest to chronicle the dating life of a regular girl and maybe even find true love. Each of the 50 chapters is dedicated to a different date, and includes the kinds of tips and sharp observations that only someone on the front lines can offer. Get ready to laugh, cry, and commiserate with Amy--and learn, as she did, a few things about finding the perfect man.
Dating Game #4: Ex-Rating
by Natalie StandifordThe Dating Game has gotten too hot to handle--at least for the school principal and parents. When a controversy erupts after exes begin rating each other, the Dating Game is banned from the school's computers. But Mads, Lina, and Holly aren't giving up without a fight.
The Dating Game #5: Speed Dating (The\dating Game Ser. #Vol. 5)
by Natalie StandifordMeet sophomores Madison, Holly, and Lina. When the Dating Game Web site that they create for class becomes a campus hit, they become the matchmaking masters of their school, and they hope, their lives.
The Debutante Divorcée
by Plum SykesThe New York Times bestselling second novel from the Sunday Times bestselling author of Bergdorf Blondes, set in the cutthroat world of Manhattan's most eligible eliteSylvia Mortimer is licking her wounds somewhat: she's back from her honeymoon, and her husband is already AWOL. But then she meets Lauren Blount, queen bee of Manhattan's glamorous Debutante Divorcée set. Lauren's the gleaming, glossy proof that there's life after divorce – in fact, she wears it fabulously. But when New York's most notorious Husband Huntress sets her sights on Sylvia's new man, she starts to wonder – is Lauren right that no one needs a husband anyway? Or should she hold out for Happily Ever After II, stand up and fight for her man?
Devilish
by Maureen JohnsonWickedly funny high school satire – what would you give to be popular? Perfect summer read from Queen of Teen 2012!
Diary of a Married Call Girl: A Nancy Chan Novel
by Tracy QuanThe witty, sexy sequel to Tracy Quan’s bestselling ‘Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl’.
Do Cats Always Land on Their Feet?: 101 Of The Most Perplexing Questions Answered About Feline Unfathomables, Medical Mysteries And Befuddling Behaviors
by Marty Becker Gina SpadaforiAn informative look at everything you ever wanted to know about cats ... but were afraid to ask!One thing we do know for sure about cats is that they rule the household. But other than that, most people know remarkably little about these mysterious creatures that were once thought of as gods. As the key to a good relationship with your pet is understanding them now might be the time to find out:* Why are cats' tongues like sandpaper?* Where did the nine lives myth come from? * Why cats' eyes shine at night?* Why do cats rub against our legs?* What is a cat's top speed?* Why are cats so noisy when they mate? * Can cats see in the mirror?* What was the highest number of cats ever found in a single house?And a few others you've never dared ask!
Does My Head Look Big In This?
by Randa Abdel-FattahDon't panic - I'm Islamic! Amal is a 16-year-old Melbourne teen with all the usual obsessions about boys, chocolate and Cosmo magazine. She's also a Muslim, struggling to honour the Islamic faith in a society that doesn't understand it. The story of her decision to "shawl up" is funny, surprising and touching by turns.
The Done Thing
by Simon FanshaweThis is a book for those who unashamedly want manners in the world. They are the essence of living together. And we are struggling to find rules that we can agree on in a new world where change and uncertainty are a way of life and personal responsibility is at a disastrous low.No-one wants to bow and scrape to the rhythms of outdated etiquette any more.We need to seek out the original social purpose of manners and apply the principles to life today. We need rules of respect for each other and an agreement to stick to them. Combining an appeal to history, anthropology and common sense with a witty disdain for the sillier snobberies of the traditionalists, Simon Fanshawe has borrowed the format of Erasmus's great work on behaviour, De Civilitate Morum Puerilum, and created a modern basis for good manners. So it doesn't matter if you pass the port to the right or the left as long as it goes in one direction and that way everyone gets a drink. Hold your knife any way you want except as a weapon so strangers will never feel threatened at your table. Date, eat, work, speak, dress, talk on your mobile, tip, text, take your children to eat out in any way you like as long as you do it in a way that respects other people. This is a campaign. Join now and march.
Don't Tell the Teacher
by Gervase PhinnBrilliantly observed as always, family, teachers, pupils and the dreaded school inspector all leap to life in this wonderfully warm and witty, brand new, poetry collection from bestseller Gervase Phinn. New kids, disobedient deputy heads, school reports and fireworks, daydreamers and embarrassing mums all make an appearance. And if read on you might even just discover the whereabouts of Colin's confiscated conkers...just don't tell the teacher!
An English Psychic in Hollywood
by Lucinda ClareSparklingly original and hugely entertaining, An English Psychic in Hollywood is the magical tale of Lucinda Clare's personal experiences as an actress and psychic among the stars of Hollywood. A cross between Jackie Collins and Bridget Jones, there is glitz and glamour mixed with dating dilemas and wardrobe malfunctions. Originally coming to LA to land her dream acting job, Lucinda soon discovers that it is her psychic abilities that make her stand out amongst the wannabe actresses. As soon as she says the magic words, 'I'm psychic!' everyone wants to talk to her, from publicists to agents, A-list film stars to borderline psychotics.Accompanied by new best friend crazy Astrid, she gradually settles in. She talks Hindu with her hairdresser, does readings for everyone from screenwriters to sex slaves and finds herself falling for the archetypal tall, dark, handsome stranger. But is he the soulmate that is meant to be in her future? Only time, some crazy pool parties and successfully predicting everyone else's happy endings will tell...
Eric Morecambe Unseen: The Lost Diaries, Jokes And Photographs
by William CookThis is a completely original book on Eric Morecambe, one of the UK’s best-loved entertainers. Containing diary entries, unseen photographs and personal letters, this is the most revealing book yet on Morecambe.
Filthy Shakespeare: Shakespeare's Most Outrageous Sexual Puns
by Pauline KiernanThe works of William Shakespeare contain at least 400 puns on male and female genitals. Despite the richness and breathtaking scope of his sexual language, too little attention has been paid to the sheer salacious inventiveness of his indecent puns - until now. His plays and poems pulsate with puns on body parts and what they do. Filthy Shakespeare presents over 70 sizzling examples of the Bard at his raciest, arranged under different categories from Balls to Buggery, from Cunnilingus to the Clap, from Homosexual to Transvestite. Each filthy Shakespearean passage is translated into modern English and the hidden sexual meanings of the words explained in a glossary. In her fascinating and lively Introduction, Pauline Kiernan shows how Shakespeare's sexual wordplay had its roots in the social and political reality of Elizabethan and Jacobean England, where the harsh facts of life were often disguised by bawdy, brutal punning, and in the era when the English secret service was born, deciphering secret codes became a national obsession.
Flashman at the Charge: Flashman At The Charge, Flashman In The Great Game, Flashman And The Angel Of The Lord (The Flashman Papers #7)
by George MacDonald FraserCoward, scoundrel, lover and cheat, but there is no better man to go into the jungle with. Join Flashman in his adventures as he survives fearful ordeals and outlandish perils across the four corners of the world.