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Flashman on the March: Flashman And The Dragon, Flashman On The March, Flashman And The Tiger (The Flashman Papers #11)
by George MacDonald FraserCoward, scoundrel, lover and cheat, but there is no better man to go into the jungle with. Join Flashman in his adventures as he survives fearful ordeals and outlandish perils across the four corners of the world.
Friars Club Private Joke File: More Than 2,000 Very Naughty Jokes from the Grand Masters of Comedy
by Barry DoughertyRated XF for X-tra Funny, this giant collection of naughty, saucy jokes, stories, and anecdotes is like an invitation to sit down at one of the legendary Friar's Club roasts. With an hilarious introduction by Lewis Black.Sassy, laugh-out-loud and not-for-kids, this off-the-wall collection of jokes, quips, stories, and humor is slightly off-color and completely hilarious. Packed with 2,000 jokes and stories grouped thematically into such categories as Marriage, Medicine, Old Age, Kids, and (of course) Sex., The Friar's Club Private Joke File includes classic material attributed to Richard Belzer, Gilbert Gottfried, Susie Essman, and Penn Jillette, with bonus interviews with stand-up comedians known for their naughtiness including Mario Cantone, Judy Gold, Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, and many more. Like a front-row seat at an infamous Friar's Club roasts, this no-holds-barred compilation will keep you laughing and blushing for a long, long time.
Funny You Should Say That: A Compendium of Jokes, Quips and Quotations from Cicero to the Simpsons
by Andrew Martin'A fool and his words are soon parted' wrote William Shenstone in 1764; one might add that 'A wit and his words are rarely collected'. Here is the antidote: a dazzling survey of the funniest remarks, quips and observations from Ancient Rome, the Bible and Chaucer right up to The Simpsons and Little Britain. Over 5,000 of the very funniest remarks to have appeared on paper since, well, paper was invented. The quotations are arranged thematically and cover all aspects of life: from the world we inhabit to the things we eat, smoke and drink; from the way we move around to what and how we learn - oh, and the pointlessness of football. There is a short biography of all of the authors in the book, a brief contextual note for each quotation and an index of keywords to help you find you chosen witticism quickly. But do not be over-hasty when you use this book: it is a browser's delight, and should be enjoyed at leisure.
Gargantua and Pantagruel
by Francois RabelaisThe dazzling and exuberant moral stories of Rabelais (c. 1471-1553) expose human follies with their mischievous and often obscene humour, while intertwining the realistic with carnivalesque fantasy to make us look afresh at the world. Gargantua depicts a young giant, reduced to laughable insanity by an education at the hands of paternal ignorance, old crones and syphilitic professors, who is rescued and turned into a cultured Christian knight. And in Pantagruel and its three sequels, Rabelais parodied tall tales of chivalry and satirized the law, theology and academia to portray the bookish son of Gargantua who becomes a Renaissance Socrates, divinely guided in his wisdom, and his idiotic, self-loving companion Panurge.
Get A Clue: A warm, funny and thrilling romance!
by Jill Shalvis'Perfect, feel-good fiction' Sarah Morgan on The Lemon SistersIf you love Holly Martin, Jill Mansell and Debbie Macomber, you'll LOVE Jill Shalvis and her irresistible trademark gift for humour, warmth and romance!Jill's books are guaranteed to make you smile:'You can't go wrong with a Jill Shalvis book' 5* reader review'A heartwarming read with all the feels' 5* reader review'Another winner... I cannot wait for more' 5* reader review'A riveting and comforting romance' 5* reader reviewWhen Breanne Mooreland gets left at the altar, she decides the best thing to do is to go on her honeymoon alone. Of course, she loses her luggage along the way and ends up snowed in at a Sierra mountains lodge run by a noticeably quirky staff. And before she can order room service, she finds a naked - and gorgeous - man taking a shower in her suite who refuses to leave...Vice cop Cooper Scott is in serious need of a vacation. He's not about to give up the only available room to a stranger because of a mix-up. They'll just have to make the best of it by sharing the bed. They're mature adults after all. But when Cooper wakes up kissing the long, leggy Breanne, he wants to show her exactly what the honeymoon suite is intended for. That will have to wait, though, because a screaming Breanne has just stumbled over one very dead body...Want more warm, funny romance? Check out the Heartbreaker Bay novels starting with Sweet Little Lies, visit stunning Wildstone, gorgeous Cedar Ridge, spellbinding Lucky Harbor or experience some Animal Magnetism in Sunshine, Idaho in Jill's other unforgettable series.
The Good Cat Food Guide
by Andrew Gasson Rosemary Gasson Kevin OxladeAttention cat lovers, your prayers have finally been answered! The Good Cat Food Guide is the definitive guide to what you should be feeding you feline friend. From tins to sachets, dried biscuits to meaty chunks, smelly fish to tasty chicken, the book will give you the low-down on every delicacy known to the feline tongue. Employing a crack team of tasters, the guide dishes out 'Paws and Claws' ratings to let you know what's hot and what's not. Written in a witty, tongue-in-cheek style - without ever sacrificing accuracy or objectivity - and accompanied throughout by full-colour cartoons of the tasters at work and play, The Good Cat Food Guide is essential reading for anyone who cares about their pet.
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
by Bobby HendersonIt all began in June 2005 when Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter to the Kansas School Board proposing a third alternative to the teaching of evolution and intelligent design in schools.
Grumpy Old Christmas: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleThe highly successful 'Grumpies' return full of the Christmas spirit.So - 'tis the season to be jolly is it? Well, not in the household of the Grumpy Old Man it isn't. In the case of the GOM, 'tis the season to have to put up with even deeper layers of vexation than usual, and the only thing worth celebrating is that it looks as though you might after all be surviving to the end of what has been another crap year.Everything about Christmas gets up our snitches. Everything. From the breakfast telly presenters who tell us it's now just 120 shopping days to go, to the annual festive strike by airport baggage handlers. From office parties where drunken juniors have waited the whole year to tell you what 'the trouble with you is...', to parents videoing their precocious brats at the atrocious school nativity play where your kid is playing the part of the donkey's rear end. From the woman next door who drops in to show your wife the diamond ring her prat of a husband has bought her, to the 150th opportunity to see 'Whistle Down the Wind' on the telly.And speaking of wind, there's the festive Xmas turkey that tastes like blotting paper soaked in a puddle and sends your digestive system to hell. And how on earth are we really supposed to look happy when someone buys us a tie with a picture of xxxxing Santa on it? Eh?
Grumpy Old Women: (but Still Feeling Eighteen Inside)
by Judith HolderWe all know what it means these days to be a grumpy old man, because part of that role is to be outspoken. Well, we've heard just about enough out of the men, thank you very much! Grumpy Old Women gives us the other perspective: the female take on the million irritations of today's world. So whats the difference? Surely what is irritating to the mature members of one sex is equally annoying to the other? Not necessarily, and this is precisely what Grumpy Old Women seeks to address. Body image, visitors, children, animals, shopping, careers, parties, holidays and, yes, grumpy old men themselves all are very much on the list of what today's mature woman finds a source of concern. From the series producer and stand-up comic Judith Holder, the book incorporates material from the television series Grumpy Old Women, which features a diverse, colourful and very grumpy group of celebrities, including Janet Street Porter, Jenny Eclair, Ann Widdecombe, Germaine Greer, Kathryn Flett and Jilly Cooper. Written with wit, style and sympathy, the book is a source of both amusement and comfort to women everywhere - grumpy, old or otherwise.
Haul A** and Turn Left: The Wit and Wisdom of NASCAR
by Monte DuttonStraight from the mouths of the world's most famous drivers and entertainers comes a unique and hilarious volume of NASCARUs wit and wisdom. Contributors include Kyle Petty, Jeff Foxworthy, Jeff Gordon, and many others. Illustrations throughout.
Hello: The Autobiography
by Leslie PhillipsThe autobiography of a true national treasure, an actor who has featured in more British Number One box office smashes than anyone else.Leslie Phillips's story begins with a poverty-stricken childhood in north London, made all the worse when his father died when Leslie was just ten years old. Soon after, he began his acting career, and since then he has worked with all the greats, from Laurence Olivier to Steven Spielberg.Best known for his comic roles in the Carry On and Doctor series, he took the decision in later life to take on more serious roles in films such as Empire of the Sun, Out of Africa and Scandal, as well as performing in plays such as The Cherry Orchard.Packed with hilarious anecdotes, in this long-awaited autobiography he recalls some of the great characters he has worked with, and also highlights how different he is in real life from his onscreen persona as a bounder. It is a fascinating story, brilliantly told.
Hippo Eats Dwarf: A Field Guide To Hoaxes And Other B. S.
by Alex BoeseThe following news story apparently first appeared in the Las Vegas Sun: 'A circus dwarf, nicknamed Od, died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus waiting to appear in the next act. More than 1,000 spectators continued to applaud wildly until they realized the tragic mistake.' And yet, of course, Od never existed; which doesn't stop the story appearing every few years as a news item, set in fictional circuses from Manchester to Thailand and Sydney. The hippo-eats-dwarf story is a) bizarre, b) almost certainly fake and c) masquerading as real, which describes a disturbing amount of what we hear and read about in magazines and on the web. Scientific investigator Alex Boese, who has for ten years run the web's biggest myth-busting website www.museumofhoaxes.com, has collected together a wonderfully entertaining anthology of the best urban myths of recent years, from bonsai kittens reared in jars to keep them small to male lactation, and confirms or de-bunks them once and for all. So did Burger King really release a left-handed Whopper, with all of the condiments rotated through 180 degrees? Is dehydrated water available to buy online? Or are they just hippo-eats-dwarf urban myths?
Hokum: An Anthology of African-American Humor
by Paul BeattyEdited by the author of The Sellout, winner of the 2016 Man Booker Prize, Hokum is a liberating, eccentric, savagely comic anthology of the funniest writing by black Americans. This book is less a comprehensive collection than it is a mix-tape narrative dubbed by a trusted friend-a sampler of underground classics, rare grooves, and timeless summer jams, poetry and prose juxtaposed with the blues, hip-hop, political speeches, and the world's funniest radio sermon. The subtle musings of Toni Cade Bambara, Henry Dumas, and Harryette Mullen are bracketed by the profane and often loud ruminations of Langston Hughes, Darius James, Wanda Coleman, Tish Benson, Steve Cannon, and Hattie Gossett. Some of the funniest writers don't write, so included are selections from well-known yet unpublished wits Lightnin' Hopkins, Mike Tyson, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. Selections also come from public figures and authors whose humor, although incisive and profound, is often overlooked: Malcolm X, Suzan-Lori Parks, Zora Neale Hurston, Sojourner Truth, and W.E.B. Dubois. Groundbreaking, fierce, and hilarious, this is a necessary anthology for any fan or student of American writing, with a huge range and a smart, political grasp of the uses of humor.
Home Truths
by Freya NorthFreya North reunites her popular McCabe girls – sisters Cat, Fen and Pip – in this sexy and funny novel.
Hot to Trot
by Lou WakefieldWith her acting career in the doldrums, thirty-something Kate Thornton plays internet backgammon to while away the hours. Playing against others from Beijing to Bolton is like having a window on the world, and she soon makes many online friends, finding herself increasingly drawn to Andy, the Canadian cowboy. When he falls from his horse and breaks his arm, Kate rushes to his aid in the South Cariboo, only to find that Andy is at least as attractive as she expected - but he is not expecting her. In fact, he has no idea who she is. Should she stay or should she leave? After such an embarrassing beginning, do she and Andy stand a chance? Somebody has been playing tricks on them both, but who? And why?
How to Avoid a Wombat's Bum (Mitchell Symons' Trivia Books #1)
by Mitchell SymonsDid you know THAT:The first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893 (it beat Kellogg's Corn Flakes by just five years)Scarlett Johansson, Ashton Kutcher and Simon Cowell all have twin brothers.Everton were the first British football club to introduce a stripe down the side of their shorts.The word DUDE was coined by Oscar Wilde and his friends. It is a combination of the words 'duds' and 'attitude'.Well you do now! Filled with fantastic facts and figures to amaze and intrigue . . . once you start reading you'll be hooked for hours!
How to be Popular: When You're A Social Reject Like Me, Steph L
by Meg CabotSteph Landry's been a high school pariah – and the butt of every joke imaginable – ever since she spilt her red Super Big Gulp all over It Girl Lauren Moffat's white D&G mini-skirt. But now Steph's got a secret weapon – an ancient book, How to be Popular, which her soon-to-be step-grandmother once used to break into her A-crowd. All Steph has to do is follow the instructions in The Book and wait for the partying begin. But as Steph's about to discover, it's easy to become popular – it's less easy staying that way!How to be Popular is a heartwarming story of friendship and acceptance from Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries.
How to Start Your Own Secret Society: Learn how to really influence people in business and politics
by Nick HardingRejected by the Freemasons? Not bright enough for the Illuminati? Burnt by the Hell Fire Club? No friends in high places to get you into the Bilderberg or the Bohemian Grove? Feeling isolated and powerless? Fear not. There is an answer... Why not start your own secret society to add an air of mystery to your life and instantly alter the way you are perceived by family, friends and society at large. Learn the secrets of how to really influence people in business and politics by creating your own elitist fraternity. Discover the basic requirements for creating a clandestine sister or brotherhood with the ability to control, govern and influence events at the local or global level. Develop your own secret knowledge and hidden agenda while you plot to overthrow the powers that be through revolution and political or religious intrigue. Pierre Plantard and the Priory of Sion failed but you can avoid making the same mistakes they did by understanding what it really takes to maintain and develop a secret society. This book will show you all the requirements needed from choosing regalia to setting up a lodge, from electing a grand master to illustrating basic initiation ceremonies. It will also guide you on how to take historical events, great works of art and famous names to mould them into your desires for global domination.
I Feel Bad About My Neck: with a new introduction from Dolly Alderton
by Nora Ephron'So bold and so vulnerable at the same time. I don't know how she did it' - Phoebe Waller-BridgeNow with an introduction from Dolly Alderton, author of Everything I Know About Love, revealing how a new generation of women can take inspiration from Nora's sharp wit and wisdom about life.* Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from.* If the shoe doesn't fit in the shoe store, it's never going to fit.* When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.* If only one third of your clothes are mistakes, you're ahead of the game.* Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for by the age of forty-five.__________________________________________________________________'I give this as a present more than other book. I buy it for people so often that I've been known to give girlfriends two copies, one birthday after another' - Dolly Alderton__________________________________________________________________'I am only one of millions of women who will miss Nora's voice' Lena Dunham'Oh how I loved Nora Ephron' Nigella Lawson'Funny, knowing and smart' India Knight'The book that most influenced me' Lily Allen'Nora's exacting, precise, didactic, tried-and-tested, sophisticated-woman-wearing-all-black wisdom is a comfort and a relief' Dolly Alderton
I Say Nothing (3): My Family and Other Puzzles
by Sandy BalfourThis delightful book explores the world of the cryptic crossword clue, a place where nothing is quite as it seems. From reflections on his children's musical tastes (might ABBA be an Old Testament citation?) to veiled digs at Labour's foreign policy ('What could be subtler during search for weapon!' 7, 4), each of Sandy Balfour's perfectly proportioned essays is a joyful investigation of these devilishly difficult puzzles and the life they punctuate.
Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit? - Volume Two
by Steve Lowe Alan McArthurBigger, badder, sharper, ruder, funnier, bestier . . . this all-new companion volume to the 2005 Christmas bestseller IS IT JUST ME OR IS EVERYTHING SHIT? perfectly complements the first book to form the standard reference work on the shittiness of modern life - like a part-work, only good. Entries include: David Cameron, Lemsip, Baby Asbos, Dream homes, the Chinese Communist Party, Chefs' families, Zac Goldsmith, the Olympics, Credit cards marketed as sources of spiritual enlightenment, Nu-Torture, Cornish nationalism, Detox socks, Stag weeks and Politicians called David. Because, if anything, it just keeps getting worse . . .
It's Different for Girls
by Jo BrandA wonderfully funny and poignant novel about growing up in the seventies, teenage angst, growing pains and first love.Rachel and Susan do not like to be beside the seaside. Hastings is so uncool. Plunging headfirst into the choppy waters of adolescence, they are determined to survive their teens by sticking together. It’s a rollercoaster ride of nutty parents, randy language students, stoned hippies, all-night parties on the pier, and an amusement arcade of emotional neediness.
James and the Giant Peach (Colour Edition): Novelty Edition
by Roald Dahl Quentin BlakeJames and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl in magnificent full colour.James Henry Trotter lives with two ghastly hags. Aunt Sponge is enormously fat with a face that looks boiled and Aunt Spiker is bony and screeching. He's very lonely until one day something peculiar happens. At the end of the garden a peach starts to grow and GROW AND GROW. Inside that peach are seven very unusual insects - all waiting to take James on a magical adventure. But where will they go in their GIANT PEACH and what will happen to the horrible aunts if they stand in their way? There's only one way to find out . .Look out for new Roald Dahl apps in the App store and Google Play- including the disgusting TWIT OR MISS! inspired by the revolting Twits."A true genius . . . Roald Dahl is my hero" David Walliams
The Keepsake
by Sheelagh KellyA stunning saga set in the city of York – a tale of passion, poverty, and ultimately great bravery as they fight to keep together against all odds
The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World
by A J JacobsOn leaving school or university, you feel pretty pleased with yourself. You've learnt a lot, your'e well-read and you know a whole bunch of obscure facts guaranteed at some point to appear in the questions on Mastermind or University Challenge. Then you get a job, and ten years later youre more eloquent and eager to argue about Britney and Big Brother than Beckett and the Brontes. Sound familiar?Well it happened to AJ Jacobs too. As an editor at Esquire, Jacobs had built up a rather impressive knowledge of celebrity trivia - and the cure was going to take a long time. While others might take to reading a broadsheet at the weekend, Jacobs chose to read the Encyclopaedia Britannica. All 33,000 pages of it. Bill Bryson meets Schott's Original Miscellany meets Woody Allen. Part assemblage of fascinating trivia, part journey through adulthood, all laugh-out-loud funny.