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• Word - Accessible Word output, which can be unzipped and opened in any tool that allows .docx files

Lily B on the Brink of Paris

Be on the brink of Lily B's world with her third and fantastically funny diary!Lily Blennerhasset is VERY excited. She is on a school trip with her classmates to Paris (nay, Pareee) - a city of sophistication and culture. Here is real material for a future famous novelist such as herself. Lily is convinced that, years hence, readers will peruse her diary entries and Paris will Literally Spring to Life before them. The pages themselves will smell lightly of dijon mustard and baguettes... But when Lily gets 'Separated From The Group' (breaking her mother's biggest commandment) she embarks on adventure involving tourist traps, accidental consumption of cow tongue and a WHOLE different take on Pareee...

The Lost Blogs: From Jesus to Jim Morrison--The Historically Inaccurate and Totally Fictitious Cyber Diaries of Everyone Worth Knowing

Over 13,000,000 people are currently blogging with thousands being created each day. But what about the blogs you haven't seen, written by the iconic men and women you're dying to know the most intimate details about but who died before the internet was invented? This original take on the biggest literary development since the paperback offers 200 blogs inspired by the most famous minds in history, detailing their hysterical personal revelations, such as: John Lennon's thoughts after meeting Yoko Ono (and her obsession with the Beatles' publishing rights): Marilyn Monroe's annoyance at her new beau 'J', who breaks off their dates with excuses like having to avert a war in Costa Rica: Read Shakespeare on a treatment for a new play about two princes who misplace their horse and carriage and spend the entire play trying to find it or how a stray hot dog nearly derailed Ghandi's hunger strike: There's also the transcript of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's intensely competitive game of "Rocks, Paper, Scissors," to decide who would be the first man to set foot on the moon and much, much more. In this book Paul Davidson proves that matters, proving there's no such thing as "too much information."

Lucy Willow

'There were three things that marked out Lucy Willow as different. The first was that she lived on a train. The second was that she had a snail called Ernest as a pet. And the third, the most important of all, was that she had green fingers.'It's Lucy's green fingers that save the day when Silverboots McCoy the famous footballer and his girlfriend Blossom B order flowers for their wedding - for Ricky Sparks, who runs the rival garden centre, will stop at nothing to get the contract for himself.Longer and fuller than the Magical Children books, LUCY WILLOW has all Sally Gardner's soaring imagination, enchanting humour and great heart, and is rich in scenes and characters that readers will adore and always remember.

Making Your Mind Up: (reissue) (Isis (cds) Ser.)

Jill Mansell's engaging and romantic bestseller MAKING YOUR MIND UP is perfect for readers of Jojo Moyes and Katie Fforde. Reviewers love Jill's books: 'Warm, witty and wise' Daily Mail Lottie Carlyle isn't looking for love when she meets her new boss, Tyler Klein. Living in a beautiful cottage with her two adorable - sometimes - kids in an idyllic village in the Cotswolds, on good terms with her ex-husband and with friends all around, she's happy enough with her lot. But Tyler's perfect for Lottie and quickly she falls for him - and he for her. Unfortunately, there's a problem. For reasons that are totally unfair, Lottie's children HATE Tyler. When a rival for Lottie's affections comes on the scene in the shape of charmer Seb, the children adore him, and he's certainly a distraction. But he's not Tyler - and he's not even at all what he seems. Lottie's got a problem - but thanks, in classic Jill Mansell style, to a tobogganing accident and a delicious series of mix-ups, all will be revealed and true love will find a way.What readers are saying about Making Your Mind Up: 'A heart-warming story that kept me engrossed, made me laugh, cry and in the end made me feel good' Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars'Highly recommended as a book that has everything, including a sense of humour that keeps popping up unexpectedly and has you laughing out loud' Amazon reviewer, 5 stars'By far my favourite Jill Mansell book. I just can't fault it' Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars

Martin Lukes: Who Moved My BlackBerry?

Hi!Let me introduce myself. I'm Martin Lukes, Special Projects Director at a-b global (UK).In your hands is a highly unique book, which pushes the envelope literature-wise. As you will see, it is a 120 per cent honest account of a year of my life - a phenomenal year of personal progress, corporate scandal and marital drama. It not only chronicles my promotion to one of the foremost executive positions globally, but is also a profound journey of personal learning, aided and abetted by my coach, Pandora. I am often asked why I want to share my deeply private philosophies with such a wide audience. I always say it is because I am passionate about learning. I have grown from my own mistakes, both in the professional space and the personal one, and I believe that there are many key takeaways for you here too.Who Moved My BlackBerry (TM)? is a creovative(TM) work - to use a phrase of mine that has now entered the business lingo. I anticipate it will be the must-read of 2005.All my very bestestMartin.

The Matchbreaker (Isis Cassettes Ser.)

When Lindsey Parker's father announces that he is to remarry, Lindsey does what any good daughter would do: wishes him congratulations, then sets about trying to kill his fiancee.Fortunately, the murder attempt fails but Lindsey still succeeds in driving Karen off. Jubilation turns to guilt when Lindsey realises her father is genuinely heart-broken. The only way to mend it is to get Karen back.But Karen is already seeing someone else - a mysterious entrepreneur. Lindsay decides to enlist the help of an old schoolmate-turned-private detective to break this new couple up. But as her plan gets underway, Lindsey senses she is falling for the very person she needs to drive away...

Merde Actually

'Edgier than Bryson, hits harder than Mayle' The TimesA year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions:What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress?Paul opens his English tea room, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter; samples the pleasures of typically French hotel-room afternoons; and, on a return visit to the UK, sees the full horror of a British office party through Parisian eyes.Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l'amour éternel, or will it all end in merde?MERDE ACTUALLYIn his second comedy of errors, Paul West continues to sabotage the entente cordiale.Author's apology: 'I'd just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes - I think it proves that I'm developing as a writer.' Stephen Clarke

Mirror Lake

From internationally acclaimed crime writer Andrée A. Michaud, a brilliant and original tragicomic thriller about one man’s search for peace and sanctuary amid invasive neighbours and a mysterious death.Retired fifty-something Robert Moreau flees a society he can no longer bear for Mirror Lake, Maine. Little does he suspect that an intrusive neighbour and a mysterious death will quickly dispel any illusions he may have had about finding sanctuary in isolation. The misanthropic Moreau quickly learns that his Thoreau-like vision is a fiction. And as in all fiction, nothing, not even Moreau’s own identity, is certain — except, perhaps, the friendship of his loyal dog, Jeff.In this tragicomic novel of the confusion between the fabular and the real, brilliantly rooted in the forested Quebec-Maine landscape, Moreau is compelled to look deep in Mirror Lake’s shimmering waters and into the eyes of the man he is, was, and could be. Winner of the Prix Ringuet and adapted into a feature film, Mirror Lake is a masterpiece of Michaud’s canon, a playfully genre-mixing psycho-thriller that explores our mysterious existence and the bottomless self.

Miss Malarkey Leaves No Reader Behind (Miss Malarkey Ser.)

Principal Wiggins has promised to dye his hair purple and sleep on the school roof if the students read 1,000 books this year, and Miss Malarkey is determined to find the right book for every student, including this story's reluctant-reader narrator. Winning her students over book by book, Miss Malarkey will have students loving to read in no time. As the best selling series continues as an e-book, no teacher, librarian, or parent should leave this book behind!

Mother's Milk: Mother's Milk And At Last (The Patrick Melrose Novels #4)

Shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize, Mother's Milk is the fourth of Edward St Aubyn's semi-autobiographical Patrick Melrose novels, adapted for TV for Sky Atlantic and starring Benedict Cumberbatch as aristocratic addict, Patrick.The once illustrious, once wealthy Melroses are in peril. Caught up in the wreckage of broken promises, child-rearing, adultery and assisted suicide, Patrick finds his wife Mary consumed by motherhood, his mother in thrall to a New Age foundation, and his young son Robert understanding far more than he should. But even as the family struggles against the pull of its ever-present past, a new generation brings a new tenderness, and the possibility of change.

Mr Dixon Disappears (The Mobile Library #2)

Israel Armstrong, one of literature’s most unlikely detectives, returns for more crime solving adventure in this hilarious second novel from ‘The Mobile Library’ series.

Mr Thundermug: A Novel

The charming, funny and whimsical tale of Mr Thundermug, the baboon who miraculously speaks a very proper English. Along with a collection of lithographs, this outlandish tale will take readers by surprise.

Much Ado About You (Essex Sisters Ser. #1)

A racy Regency romance from the New York Times bestselling author, Eloisa James.

Muck It Up: Band 02A/red A (Collins Big Cat Phonics Ser.)

Mustn't Grumble: The Autobiography

THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLERThe definitive autobiography from the nation's best-loved broadcaster.Written in the style familiar to his millions of listeners, rich with warmth and irony, Mustn't Grumble is Terry's definitive autobiography. Not only does he introduce the reader to his life in Ireland, his chain-smoking maiden aunts, his quick-witted mother and hard-working father and the (not so) Christian Fathers who tried to knock his hands off, he explains how he managed to avoid a hard day's work from childhood to knighthood, and entertained a few million people along the way. Terry talks in full about his past 35 years with the BBC: his hugely popular Radio 2 show, his TV shows Wogan (Now & Then and Blankety Blank, the Eurovision Song Contest, working on the BBC's Children in Need programmes, and where he learnt to breakdance so brilliantly. Mustn't Grumble is fresh, honest and a must-read for any fan of this extraordinary TV and Radio figure.

My Bad: The Apology Anthology

With an additional 200 mind-boggling miscues and mealy-mouthed mea culpas, My Bad celebrates the best of this year's most exquisitely squirm-inducing pleas for forgiveness, from a variety of famous flubbers-Donald Rumsfield to Don Imus, Mel Gibson to Michael Richards-that proves public apologies are as American as pleading the Fifth.

My Name Is Legion: A Novel

The Daily Legion is a tabloid that peddles celebrity gossip and denounces asylum seekers. However, its financial survival depends on the support of a brutal African government. Recklessly defending this corrupt dictatorship, the newspaper faces off against Father Vivyan Chell, an Anglican monk and missionary who is working to overthrow the corrupt regime.My Name Is Legion is a savage satire on the morality of contemporary Britain - its Press, its politics, its Church, its rich, its underclass. Wilson's London is a bleak, if occasionally hilarious, place: murderous, lustful, money-obsessed and haunted by strange gods.

My Teacher's In Detention: Kids' Favorite Funny School Poems (Giggle Poetry)

This book delivers 45 hilarious poems about school that cover everything from homework and tests to detention and school lunches. Well-known poets Bruce Lansky, Kenn Nesbitt, and Robert Pottle -- plus many more great Giggle Poets -- wrote these gems. My Teacher's In Detention contains 50 hilarious poems about school that cover everything from homework and tests to detention and gross-out school lunches. The book contains poems by well-known poets, including Bruce Lansky, Kenn Nesbitt, Robert Pottle, and more great "giggle poets." Editor and contributor Bruce Lansky is one of North America's three bestselling authors of children's poetry books. His kid-tested, giggle-filled children's poetry books have sold over 3.5 million copies. This book follows on the success of Lansky's other school poetry anthologies, No More Homework! No More Tests!, and If Kids Ruled the School, which have sold over 500,000 copies in all editions and are among the best selling children's poetry books at retail.

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I've Learned

He's one of America's most recognisable and acclaimed actors-a star on Broadway, an Oscar nominee for The Aviator, and the only person to ever win Emmys for acting, writing, and directing during his eleven years on M*A*S*H. Now Alan Alda has written a memoir as elegant, funny, and affecting as his greatest performances. 'My mother didn't try to stab my father until I was six,' begins Alan Alda's irresistible story. The son of a popular actor and a loving, but mentally ill mother, he spent his early childhood backstage in the erotic and comic world of burlesque and went on after early struggles to achieve extraordinary success in his profession.Yet Never Have Your Dog Stuffed is not a memoir of show business ups and downs. It is a moving and funny story of a boy growing into a man who then realizes he has only begun to grow. It is the story of turning points in his life, events that would make him what he is - if only he could survive them.From the moment as a boy when his dead dog is returned from the taxidermist's shop with a hideous expression on his face, and he learns that death can't be undone, to the decades-long effort to find compassion for the mother he lived with but never knew, to his acceptance of his father in him, personally and professionally, he learns the hard way that change, uncertainty and transformation are what life is made of, and the good life is made of welcoming them.Never Have Your Dog Stuffed, filled with curiosity about Nature, good humour and honesty, is the crowning achievement of an actor, author, and director, but surprisingly, it is the story of a life more filled with turbulence and laughter than any he's ever played on the stage or screen.

The No. 2 Global Detective: Toby Clements

Cuff College of Transgression and Pathology, Oxford. The quiet of the evening is shattered by the discovery of a Body In The Library. The police are Baffled. Tom Hurst, a junior lecturer at the College, breaking every rule of the whodunnit genre, follows a trail of arcane clues that leads him to Botswana and Mma Delicious Ontoast. His investigations then take him to Sweden and Burt Colander; to Edinburgh, where he is grudgingly helped by DI John "Just-Now" Rhombus; and to Richmond, Virginia, where he meets the brilliant, attractive-in-a-powerfulway, midnight-blue-pantsuited forensic pathologist Dr Su Carpaccio. Sometimes one supersleuth just isn't enough. The No.2 Global Detective revisits and rewrites some of the most famous crime novels of recent times, taking the genre and its heroes to an ultimately hilarious extreme.

Nul Points

The spangled insanity, the stubborn reinforcement of crude national stereotypes, the scoreboard shamelessly corrupted by cross-border friendship and hatred... throughout those long post-ABBA decades, the Eurovision Song Contest has been drawing 450 million of us to the sofa for all the wrong reasons. And the most gloriously wrong of all: our enduring fascination with the unfortunates left to wander the desolate summit of Mount Fiasco without a point to their names.From Lisbon to Liverpool, from the Black Sea to the Baltic, Tim Moore travels the continent to track down the thirteen Eurominstrels who suffered the entertainment world's prime humiliation.

Out of the Ordinary: True Tales of Everyday Craziness

Jon Ronson’s subjects have included people who believe that goats can be killed by the power of a really hard stare, and people who believe that the world is ruled by twelve-foot lizard-men. In Out of the Ordinary, a collection of his journalism from the Guardian, he turns his attention to irrational beliefs much closer to home, investigating the ways in which we sometimes manage to convince ourselves that all manner of lunacy makes perfect sense – mainstream, domestic, ordinary insanity. Whether he finds himself promising his son that he will be at his side for ever, dressed in a Santa costume, or trying to understand why hundreds of apparently normal people would suddenly start speaking in tongues in a Scout hut in Kidderminster, he demonstrates repeatedly how we all succumb to deeply irrational beliefs that grow to inform our everyday existence. Out of the Ordinary is Jon Ronson at his inimitable best: hilarious, thought-provoking and with an unerring eye for human frailty – not least his own. Praise for The Men Who Stare at Goats: ‘Not only a narcotic road trip through the wackier reaches of Bush’s war effort, but also an unmissable account of some of the insanity that has lately been done in our names’ Observer Praise for Them: Adventures with Extremists: ‘A funny and compulsively readable picaresque adventure through a paranoid shadow world’ Louis Theroux, Guardian

Party Princess (The Princess Diaries #7)

Party Princess by Meg Cabot is the seventh book charting the (mis)adventures of Princess Mia, in The Princess Diaries. Party Princess was previously published as Seventh Heaven.Poor Mia Thermopolis. Not only has she made a total ass of herself with J.P. (aka the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn In The Chilli) by trying to prove that she's a super-chilled party girl, but she's also bankrupted the student council. Way to go, Princess.Just as Mia's scared that she's lost Michael and a ton of money, Grandmère steps in with a fundraising plan. She's going to stage a musical in front of the world's hottest celebs – and the star will be none other than Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo!

Penguin Pocket Jokes

Have you heard the one about the man who walked into a bar? (Ouch!)... Penguin Pocket Jokes is essential (and hilarious) reading for anyone searching for the perfect joke. Whether you want a snappy wisecrack or a longer rib-tickler when making a speech, this easy-to-use guide will provide the perfect witticism.

Penguins Stopped Play: Eleven village cricketers take on the world (Isis (cds) Ser.)

'Completely brilliant' Ian HislopIt seemed a simple enough idea at the outset: to assemble a team of eleven men to play cricket on each of the seven continents of the globe. Except - hold on a minute - that's not a simple idea at all. And when you throw in incompetent airline officials, amorous Argentine Colonels' wives, cunning Bajan drug dealers, gay Australian waiters, overzealous American anti-terrorist police, idiot Welshmen dressed as Santa Claus, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and whole armies of pitch-invading Antarctic penguins, you quickly arrive at a whole lot more than you bargained for. Harry Thompson's hilarious book tells the story of one of those great idiotic enterprises that only an Englishman could have dreamed up, and only a bunch of Englishmen could possibly have wished to carry out.