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Making Money: (Discworld Novel 36) (Discworld Novels #36)
by Terry Pratchett'Whoever said you can't fool an honest man wasn't one.'The Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork is facing a crisis and needs a shake-up in management. Cue Moist von Lipwig, Postmaster General and former con artist. If anyone can rescue the city's ailing financial institution, it's him. He doesn't really want the job, but the thing is, he doesn't have a choice.Moist has many problems to solve as part of his new role: the chief cashier is almost certainly a vampire, the chairman needs his daily walkies, there's something strange happening in the cellar, and the Royal Mint is running at a loss.Moist begins making some ambitious changes . . . and some dangerous enemies. Because money is power and certain stakeholders will do anything to keep a firm grip on both . . .'As bright and shiny as a newly minted coin; clever, engaging and laugh-out-loud funny' The TimesMaking Money is the second book in the Moist von Lipwig series, but you can read the Discworld novels in any order.
The Mammoth Book of Insults (Mammoth Books)
by Geoff TibballsNever be stuck for a wicked line again! - the ultimate collection of insultsHere is the biggest and best ever collection of insults and sharp retorts for when you just wish you could have thought of something faster. Editor Geoff Tibballs presents over 5000 come-backs, put-downs, snaps, insults, unadmiring quips and quotes, for every occasion. From the most elegant of studied insults to the wickedest of putdowns, from the language of the street to the literary, political, and entertainment worlds, from playground insults to sports, family and marriage jibes - here is every possible barb you could ever need, guaranteed to crack up all those around you. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Your mother's so fat, she has her own area code. Are your parents siblings? Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. Is there no beginning to your talents? You'd be out of your depth in a puddle. Don't you need a licence to be that ugly? I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my arse. I'd love to go out with you but I have to worm my dog.
Man Walks Into A Bar 2
by Jonathan SwanMan Walks Into A Bar 2 is the second volume of the hugely popular and hilariously funny joke book series. A one-stop shop for anyone who likes to hear and tell jokes. The jokes are ordered thematically - wives, husbands, doctors, lawyers, the French, the Germans, jokes about nuns, jokes about monkeys, the lot. There are also regular panels which group jokes by type too - Essex girls, changing a lightbulb etc. Our material will turn you into the toast of your local pub or make you loathed in your own home - remember, it is all in the telling. From the sublimely erudite to stuff Frank Carson would turn down, this book can service you with every joke you'll ever need.Including such gems as the following:Why have elephants got big ears?Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.A magic tractor is driving down a country road and turns into a field.An amnesiac walks into a bar. 'Do I come here often?'I went to a book shop and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.How do you know when you're a pirate? You just arrrrrggghh.
The Man Who Sold Nelson's Column: And Other Scottish Frauds
by Dane LoveIn this fascinating book, Dane Love uncovers a strange collection of tales of devious fraudsters and curious hoaxes. Spanning the 18th century to the present day, these tales range from the quaint to the absurd, touching on all social classes and settings in society. Among them are the phoney minister who established a church and performed illegal marriage ceremonies, a middle-aged gentleman who passed himself off as an adolescent schoolboy, and the man who persuaded the world that he was the prince of an imaginary country. This book also looks at more familiar Scottish mysteries such as those surrounding the Loch Ness monster, the 'Great Highland Hoax' of Ossian's poems, and the Burns Temple Hoax. This highly entertaining read makes us realist just how gullible many of us have been and may also continue to be.
The Manny (Thorndike Basic Ser.)
by Holly PetersonSex and the City with a baby: the hot new Manhattan novel is a brilliantly entertaining romantic comedy about a harassed working mum who hires a male nanny.
Maynard and Jennica
by Rudolph DelsonA brilliantly inventive comic love-story, set in and around New York at the beginning of the 21st century.
The 'Me!' Monsters: Cautionary Tales for Lovers of Squeam! Book 3 (Grizzly Tales #3)
by Jamie RixGrizzliness is out there. Every child has the makings of mischievousness, and can be lured into committing dastardly deeds. The six stories in each of the Grizzly Tales books show the rise and hard fall of vile and villainous children. We have completely reinvented Grizzly Tales for today's readers - ingenious concepts to link the separate stories, new design and illustrations, new accessible formats, but still capturing Jamie Rix's legendary brilliance for creating stories that linger in the mind long after the lights go out at night!The third title in the all-new Grizzly Tales series captures the crimes of the 'ME!' monsters - those vain, selfish, greedy little children who want only the best for themselves, usually at the expense of everyone else. Hear the shrill explosion of breaking glass as all those mirrors shatter one by one!
Me and Mr Darcy
by Alexandra PotterHe's every woman's fantasy.After a string of nightmare relationships, Emily Albright has decided she's had it with modern-day men. She'd rather pour herself a glass of wine, curl up with Pride and Prejudice and step into a time where men were dashing, devoted and honourable, strode across fields in breeches, their damp shirts clinging to their chests...So when her best friend invites her to Mexico for a week of margaritas and men, Emily decides to book a guided tour of Jane Austen country instead. But she quickly realises she won't find her dream man here. The coach tour is full of pensioners, apart from one Mr Spike Hargreaves, a foul-tempered journalist sent to write a piece on why Mr Darcy's been voted the man most women would love to date.Until she walks into a room and finds herself face-to-face with Darcy himself. And every woman's fantasy suddenly becomes one woman's reality. . .
Men!: Forget the fiction! Where are the interesting and available men?
by Isabel LosadaFast, hard-hitting, funny and honest, this is the book that answers the question that all women discuss every day: 'Where are the interesting and available men?' Forget the fiction. This is not self help or a dating manual - This is 'Men!' - controversial, sassy and very entertaining - Michael Moore meets real life Bridget Jones.Bestselling author Isabel Losada throws herself (literally) into all male environments to learn about how different 'Men!' are from women. From learning to be a plumber and riding a Harley to interviewing psychologists and dating hosts, every page will have readers smiling and learning about 'Men!' and about themselves. How do you define an 'interesting' man? (or women?) How are male and female brains different? What do the richest men in the city and the builders on the building sites want of women? This is not a book for women who think that finding a man is the solution to their problems; rather it is an intelligent, controversial and often hilarious journey through modern life and relationships by a unique and well-loved author.
Merde Happens
by Stephen ClarkeIn the acclaimed third installment of the popular Merde series, Paul West winds up stuck in American, chin-deep in financial trouble. He and his French girlfriend set off to America, with hopes of veering off the path to fiscal ruin. But as the not-so-dynamic duo stumble toward Los Angeles, via Boston, Miami, New Orleans, and Las Vegas, Paul's well-oiled plans for success, of course, turn to merde: the couple takes on carjackers, old flames, and liaisons dangereuses. The result is a madcap, hilarious adventure, an acerbic tour through America, France, England, and the places that make us who we are.
The Merry Marauders
by Arthur J. ReesVal is invited to New Zealand by his Uncle Rufus to help run his business, which he describes to Val as 'control of the New Zealand fruit trade'. Restless Val hopes that his new life will be adventurous and exciting but when he realises that his job is merely selling fruit and veg in a small shop in Auckland he parts from his uncle immediately and looks for adventures elsewhere. When he finds an advertisement for an advance agent to join a travelling theatrical troupe – 'Merry Marauders Dramatic Company' – he feels that he's found what he was looking for. He joins the troupe and their tour around New Zealand begins. As he promises in a letter to his friend, 'One thing is certain; we shall have some adventures on the road that should be worth relating' – this promise is definitely fulfilled.The Merry Marauders is an epistolary novel, first published in 1913, which chronicles the funny misadventures of an accident-prone theatrical troupe touring through the small towns of frontier New Zealand around 1900 and encountering various rogues, setbacks and turns of fortune.
Miss Lonelyhearts
by Nathanael WestMiss Lonelyhearts is a decidedly off-kilter, darkly comic tale set in New York in the early 1930s. A nameless man is assigned to produce a newspaper advice column. It was meant to be a joke. But as endless letters from the Desperate, Sick-of-it-All and Disillusioned pile up for Miss Lonelyhearts's attention the joke begins to escape him.Penguin Random House Canada is proud to bring you classic works of literature in e-book form, with the highest quality production values. Find more today and rediscover books you never knew you loved.
Mondegreens: A Book of Mishearings
by J. A. WinesA mondegreen is a word or phrase which, when spoken or sung, is misheard as another word or phrase, often resulting in a hilarious outcome. Most people have heard of the famous mondegreen, 'send three-and-fourpence, we're going to a dance', the surprise request of a troop of soldiers who actually said, 'send reinforcements, we're going to advance'. The most common causes of confusion are song lyrics, as puzzled listeners struggle to work out why The Beatles were singing "The girl with colitis goes by" ('The girl with kaleidoscope eyes'), but mondegreens are not only found in songs and poetry, but also in everyday life. For example, the lady who rang the hospital asking for Sir Michael Spears, when, in fact, she was actually enquiring about cervical smears. "Mondegreens" is a side-splittingly funny collection of wonderful and absurd mishearings, put together in an elegant package that is certain to appeal to English language aficionados everywhere.
Monstrous Regiment: (Discworld Novel 31) (Discworld Novels #31)
by Terry Pratchett'Trousers. That's the secret...Put on trousers and the world changes. We walk different. We act different. I see these girls and I think: idiots! Get yourself some trousers!' Women belong in the kitchen - everyone knows that. Not in jobs, pubs or indeed trousers, and certainly not on the front line. Polly Perks has to become a boy in a hurry if she wants to find her brother in the army. Cutting off her hair and wearing the trousers is easy. Learning to fart and belch in public and walk like an ape takes more time. And there’s a war on. There's always a war on. Polly and her fellow raw recruits are suddenly in the thick of it. All they have on their side is the most artful sergeant in the army and a vampire with a lust for coffee. Well . . . they have the Secret. And it’s time to make a stand.
Monty Python: From the Flying Circus to Spamalot
by Richard ToppingHave you ever wanted to be a lumberjack? Had trouble with a dead parrot? Or gone for a silly walk?Combining outrageous humour, unbridled creativity and surreal animation, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones and Eric Idle entertained millions and inspired generations of future comedians. Including all Monty Python material ever produced, from the Flying Circus to the Life of Brian to Spamalot! with biographies, programme guides and a filmography, this is a must-have plethora of Pythonism and a fitting tribute to comedic pioneers.
More Senior Moments (The Ones We Forgot)
by Shelley KleinMore Senior Moments (The Ones We Forgot) is the hilarious follow-up to the bestselling The Book of Senior Moments, containing all those pearls of wisdom that slipped our minds the first time. If long-term memory means the ability to recall where you put your glasses for longer than thirty seconds, and a keen sense of observation is the realization that they are, in fact, perched on the end of your nose, then you are undoubtedly suffering from chronic senior moments. Crammed full of anecdotes, tips, confessions and advice, More Senior Moments will ensure that getting to grips with newfangled technology, remembering your best friend's name and putting matching socks on will become a breeze. Drawn from the experiences of everyone from politicians to pundits, the famous and not-so-famous, More Senior Moments is essential reading for everyone who is feeling that little bit older, but not so wiser.
The Motherhood Walk of Fame
by Shari LowCarly Cooper, harassed mother and disillusioned writer, has often been tempted to head for the hills. She just never imagined they'd be the Hollywood ones… A hilarious romantic comedy for anyone who’s ever had their head in the clouds…
Moving Pictures: (Discworld Novel 10) (Discworld Novels #10)
by Terry Pratchett'HOLY WOOD IS A DIFFERENT SORT OF PLACE . . . HERE, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE IMPORTANT.'A new phenomenon is taking over the Discworld: moving pictures. Created by the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork, the growing 'clicks' industry moves to the sandy land of Holy Wood, attracted by the light of the sun and some strange calling no one can quite put their finger on...Also drawn to Holy Wood are aspiring young stars Victor Tugelbend, a wizarding student dropout, and Theda 'Ginger' Withel, a small-town girl with big dreams.But behind the glitz and glamour of the clicks, a sinister presence lurks. Because belief is powerful in the Discworld, and sometimes downright dangerous...The magic of movies might just unravel reality itself.'Funny, delightfully inventive, and refuses to lie down in its genre' - ObserverThe Discworld novels can be read in any order but Moving Pictures is a standalone.
The Mums' Book: For The Mum Who's Best At Everything
by Alison MaloneyFor the mum who embraces motherhood and all that it entails, The Mums' Book is a humorous handbook on the ups and downs of being a mother. Featuring: recipes for the perfect fairy cakes tips on how to throw the best children's parties examples of the best games to play on long journeys advice on the best ways to pamper oneselfPlus other invaluable, and bizarre, pearls of wisdom handed down from generation to generation. The Mums' Book is also a celebration of motherhood, a miscellany of hilarious anecdotes and survival techniques from the world's best mums. No mother should be without this informative and amusing guide!
Murder Most Fab
by Julian ClaryHello, I'm Johnny Debonair and this is my book - Murder Most Fab. Buy it. You won't regret it. Everything that has happened so publicly is explained. Of course, I'd prefer it if you remember me as I was at my height, before the past caught up with me so spectacularly - TV's Mr Friday Night with an enviable lifestyle and the nation at my feet. My fame might have looked easy to you at the time, but getting to the top of the celebrity ladder is hard work. It took talent, beauty, commitment and, uniquely in my case, a number of unfortunate deaths. If we were being picky you might describe me as a serial killer, but I really don't see myself that way. It sounds trite to say 'one thing led to another' but it's true.As you'll discover I owe something of my rise and my fall to three individuals: my mother, an eccentric country girl who taught me exhibitionism by hanging naked from the clocktower of Hythe town hall; Catherine, my best friend, then partner in business - a devil in red heels, who, in her clear Essex accent, taught me how to 'look after number one'; and Timothy, who broke my heart and caused me to seek refuge in sex, money and celebrity.But in the end you have to take responsibility for your own actions. No one was forcing me, were they? I hope you, the public, can forgive me and enjoy this sordid tale for what it is - my final entertainment for you.
Must Try Harder!: The Very Worst Howlers By Schoolchildren
by Norman McGreevyA side-splitting collection of the most earnest and mangled attempts at the English language made by generations of schoolchildren. Be they funny, irreverent or just plain silly, Mr McGreevy's Absolute Howlers are guaranteed to have you weeping with laughter. Four separate editions cover howlers in Science, History, English and Geography.Includes, amongst hundreds of others, the following howlers:Coal is decayed vegetarians.Socrates died of an overdose of wedlock.Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak.The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin.In the middle of the 18th Century all the morons moved to Utah.The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the English.The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxis.Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string.In biology today we digested a frog.The seventh commandment is 'Thou shall not admit adultery'.Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican.A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.
My Brother's Famous Bottom (My Brother's Famous Bottom Ser.)
by Jeremy Strong‘That’s the one!’ she cried. ‘That’s the bottom I’m after. Darling, you have the most gorgeous bottom!’Nicholas’s dad has a plan to make some fast cash. Nappies! Some disposable-nappy people are looking for a beautiful botty for their new advert – and all Nicholas’s baby brother has to do is pass the audition. What could possibly go wrong?
My Brother's Famous Bottom Gets Pinched
by Jeremy StrongNicholas's baby brother, Cheese, is famous. Well, his bottom is, because he advertises Dumper disposable nappies. Now the whole family is being whisked off on a nationwide tour starring Cheese.Little do they know the chaos waiting for them, including giant babies and goats on motorbikes!Rowan Clifford's black-and-white illustrations add to the comic mayhem in this sparkling new story.
My Dad's Got an Alligator!
by Jeremy Strong‘It’s that alligator . . . Dad should never have brought it into the house. Crunchbag has escaped and he’s eaten Granny!’Some dads bring home rabbits. Or dogs. Or parrots. Not Nicholas’s dad. The latest member of their family is Crunchbag – the ALLIGATOR! Soon he’s running riot in the bathroom and on the roof and even in the park! But he wouldn’t eat poor defenceless Granny . . . would he?
My Friend Walter
by Michael MorpurgoA hilarious tale of history come to life, from former children’s laureate and master storyteller, Michael Morpurgo. Living with a ghost can have its difficulties, I discovered, even if he is your friend.