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My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One-night Stands (A\chelsea Handler Book/borderline Amazing Publishing Ser.)
by Chelsea Handler'Many people feel like a one-night stand is something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I disagree...'We've all (well not quite all, perhaps) had at least one: a one-night stand. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night-stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men... Lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles Chelsea's romps through the bedrooms of a host of potential suitors, uncovering what can happen in one night of passion between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated woman.From her short fling with a Vegas stripper named Thunder to her even shorter fling with a very short man, she recalls her myriad one-night stands with hilarious honesty. My Horizontal Life is a sensationally frank and funny memoir of sexual life, and a gloriously quirky take on why we do the things we do. Whether you have been there yourself or not, its one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning...
My Mum's Going to Explode!
by Jeremy Strong‘Oooh! I’m going to be a granny!’ she cried. ‘You already are a granny, Granny.’ I pointed out. ‘. . . Oh yes. So I am!’Nicholas’s mum is having a baby. It’s going to mean some big changes. His mum’s getting ENORMOUS and Granny wants to live in the garden! But that’s not all, because there’s an even bigger shock to come . . .
Never Use a Knife and Fork
by Neil GoddardHide spaghetti in your hair, Keep crisps in your underwear. Never Use a Knife and Fork is an outrageous, tongue-in-cheek exploration of mealtime chaos that will have children in stitches. Full of mischief and mess, it shows exactly what you SHOULDN'T do with food -- squish it, slosh it, squirt it, squeeze it!Rollicking rhymes combine perfectly with Nick Sharratt's trademark witty illustrations for a laugh-out-loud look at table manners.
Night Watch: (Discworld Novel 29) (Discworld Novels #29)
by Terry Pratchett'Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come round again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes.' For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. He’s back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard. But he must survive, because he has a job to do. He must track down the murderer and change the outcome of the rebellion. The problem is: if he wins, he's got no wife, no child, no future... A Discworld Tale of One City, with a full chorus of street urchins, ladies of negotiable affection, rebels, secret policemen and other children of the revolution. Truth! Justice! Freedom! And a Hard-boiled Egg!
No! I Don't Want to Join a Bookclub: Diary Of A Sixtieth Year
by Virginia IronsideToo young to get whisked away by a Stannah Stairlift, or to enjoy the luxury of a walk-in bath (but not so much that she doesn't enjoy comfortable shoes), Marie is all the same getting on in years - and she's thrilled about it. She's a bit preoccupied about whether to give up sex - Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! - but there are compensations, like falling in love with her baby grandson, and maybe falling in love with someone else too? Curmudgeonly, acute, touching and funny, this diary is what happens when grumply old women meet Bridget Jones.
Nurse Matilda
by Christianna BrandOnce upon a time there was a huge family of children; and they were terribly, terribly naughty …So begins Nurse Matilda, the first of three books about the no-nonsense nanny who uses magic to rein in the mischievous children in her charge – and changes their lives forever.This covetable, highly collectable new hardback edition of a timeless classic is packed with episode after episode of mischief, mayhem and hilarity, all accompanied by Edward Ardizzone's beautiful original illustrations. The inspiration for the much-loved film Nanny McPhee, starring Emma Thompson and Colin Firth, Nurse Matilda overflows with naughtiness, wit and timeless humour – the perfect gift for mischief-makers both young and old!
On The Wealth of Nations: A Book that Shook the World (BOOKS THAT SHOOK THE WORLD)
by P. J. O'RourkeA New York Times BestsellerAs P. J. O'Rourke says, 'It's as if Smith, having proved that we can all have more money, then went on to prove that money doesn't buy happiness. And it doesn't. It rents it.'Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations was first published in 1776 and almost instantly was recognized as fundamental to an understanding of economics. It was also recognized as being really long and as P. J. O'Rourke points out, to understand The Wealth of Nations, the cornerstone of free-market thinking and a book that shapes the world to this day, you also need to peruse Smith's earlier doorstopper,The Theory of Moral Sentiments. But now you don't have to read either, because P. J. has done it for you. In this hilarious work P. J. shows us why Smith is still relevant, why what seems obvious now was once revolutionary, and how the division of labour, freedom of trade and pursuit of self-interest espoused by Smith are not only vital to the welfare of mankind, they're funny too. He goes on to establish that far from being an avatar of capitalism, Smith was actually a moralist of liberty. As P. J. says, 'It's as if Smith, having proved that we can all have more money, then went on to prove that money doesn't buy happiness. And it doesn't. It rents it.'
Out of My Mind
by Andy RooneyEvery Sunday evening, millions of viewers tune in to 60 Minutes to hear Andy Rooney riff on everything from coffee percolators to the state of the union. Millions more read his weekly newspaper column. Why? Because Rooney tells it like it is. But Rooney fans have never seen him quite like this. Andy Rooney is plain frustrated by what's going on in America and the world. Why can't Americans-let alone our president-speak English anymore? How do we expect to fight a terrorist enemy that we can't even locate? And when did capitalism go so terribly wrong? This book isn't all heady stuff, though. Readers will also get the familiar-and hysterical-Rooney gripes about everyday foibles, such as the impossibility of physically locating your driver's registration, of purchasing a genuinely healthy breakfast cereal, or of enjoying a college reunion-unless everyone ends up in their nighties, that is. PublicAffairs is pleased to present its fifth collaboration with Andy Rooney. Loyal Rooney fans and anyone who enjoys a good laugh at life's absurdities will be thrilled to add it to the bookshelf during the holidays.
Pardon My French: Unleash Your Inner Gaul
by Charles TimoneyTHINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT FRANCE: You burnt Joan of Arc! ? Smuggling live chickens into rugby matches is patriotic ? How many times to kiss on the cheek ? Where not to cross the road ? French guns don't go 'bang' ? What do you call a party? ? bon appetit is vulgar ? A six-pack is a bar of chocolate ? The dangers of being called Peter or Penny ? Your smallest finger is your 'ear' finger ? The importance of Wednesdays ? How to tip ? and when to celebrate Christmas? Forget the French you learnt at school. Based on twenty years of hard-won knowledge, Pardon My French takes you through all the words you need to survive, shows how and why they work, and steers you past all the pitfalls and potential embarrassments of speaking French in France. From sugar-cube etiquette to why the Marseillaise is all about slaughtering Austrians and Prussians as bloodily as possible, Charles Timoney lays bare the Gallic mindset alongside their bizarre language. Covering all areas of everyday life from eating and drinking to travel, work and, crucially, swearing and sounding like a teenager, this is not just the most entertaining, but also the most useful book on France and the French you'll ever read.
A Perfect Day to be Alone: an award-winning Japanese coming-of-age classic about unlikely friendships and late youth in Toyko
by Nanae Aoyama*WINNER OF THE AKUTAGAWA PRIZE, Japan's most prestigious literary award, first published when the author was just 24**A Japanese contemporary classic, perfect for fans of Convenience Store Woman**A love letter to Tokyo as it can only be seen through the eyes of a young woman setting out in the world*It was raining when I arrived at the house. The walls of my room were lined with cat photos, set in fancy frames just below the ceiling.When her mother emigrates to China for work, 21-old Chizu moves in with 71-year-old Ginko, an eccentric distant relative, taking a room in her ramshackle Tokyo home, with its two resident cats and the persistent rattle of passing trains.Living their lives in imperfect symmetry, they establish an uneasy alliance, stress tested by Chizu's flashes of youthful spite. As the four seasons pass, Chizu navigates a series of tedious part-time jobs and unsatisfying relationships, before eventually finding her feet and salvaging a fierce independence from her solitude.A Perfect Day to be Alone is a moving, microscopic examination of loneliness and heartbreak. With flashes of deadpan humour and a keen eye for poignant detail, Aoyama chronicles the painful process of breaking free from the moorings of youth.Early reader reviews"You will love it. I hope we have more translations from this author ASAP, she is super talented! As is the translator!" ***** "A Perfect Day to Be Alone by Nanae Aoyama blew me away utterly and completely" *****Translated from the Japanese by Jesse Kirkwood
The Perils of the Pushy Parents: A Cautionary Tale
by Boris JohnsonWritten and illustrated by Boris Johnson
Pick Me Up
by Zoe RiceWhen Izzy Duncan meets two gorgeous guys in one week through her job at a glitzy uptown gallery, she has no hesitation which one to choose. Charming, well-mannered art dealer Avery wins over the scruffy, moody artist Grady any time. But then she discovers that Avery seems to have more than a few dark secrets - secrets that only Grady knows the answers to...
The Pig of Happiness
by Edward Monkton“I know”, thought the pig. “I shall become an EXTRAORDINARY pig. I shall see the BEST in EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. I shall become THE PIG of HAPPINESS!” A charmingly illustrated allegory about a pig who got extremely happy and decided to spread joy after years of wallowing…
Play It Again, Tom
by Augustus BrownDogs can smell electricity. Cats can heal bones by purring. Kittens can contact their mothers via a secret, ultra-sonic language. Dogs can understand a vocabulary of 200 human words. Every day, it seems, new scientific discoveries are fuelling the age old argument about which of man's two best friends really is the superior species. Augustus Brown fans the flames further with this collection of the weirdest, most wonderful and downright incredible of these truths about cats and dogs. Did you know, for instance, that dogs can see moving objects 900 yards away, and that cats can sense earthquakes coming? Or that dogs prefer Bach to Britney, while cats prefer drugs to chocolate? Fascinating, funny and provocative, his book may not settle the debate once and for all. But it is certain to set cat and dog lovers arguing like, well you know what...
Playing the Moldovans at Tennis
by Tony Hawks'All I knew about Moldova were the names of eleven men printed on the inside back pages of my newspaper. None of them sounded to me like they were any good at tennis ...'An eccentric wager finds Tony Hawks, a man who loves an unusual challenge, bound for the little-known Eastern European state of Moldova. His mission: to track down members of the country's football team and persuade them to play him at tennis. The bizarre quest ultimately has little to do with tennis or football, but instead turns into an extraordinary journey involving the Moldovan underworld, gypsies, chronic power shortages, near kidnap, and a surprisingly tender relationship with his host family. Follow the fortunes of Tony in this hilarious and often moving adventure as it takes him from Moldova, onwards to Northern Ireland, leading to an exciting denouement in Nazareth - and the naked truth of the bet's final outcome ...
The Polabores: Book 10 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #10)
by Kes GrayNelly's monster sitting adventures are always full of surprises. She certainly can't believe it when she sits a monster who wants to do absolutely nothing! Or when she has to rescue the smallest monster she's encountered yet - but nothing can prepare her for spending Christmas Day with the Dendrilegs!The polarbores like to do absolutely nothing, so Nelly is in for a dull night. But when she invites Asti round to liven things up, she wishes her evening was a little less eventful...
The Princess Diaries: After Eight (The\princess Diaries #Bk. 8)
by Meg CabotAfter Eight is Princess Mia's eighth fabulous adventure in the phenomenal The Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot.The new school year's only just begun - and already there have been some big surprises. Not least, Tina's revelation that Lilly's probably Done It with J.P.! And what about Mia's new haircut, which has turned out kind of . . . extreme? But then Michael drops a bombshell. He has been accepted on a year-long computer science course . . . in Japan! Can Mia's perfect prince really love her if he can go away for a year? And what would it take to make him stay?
The Princess Diaries: Mia Goes Fourth (The\princess Diaries #Bk. 4)
by Meg CabotMia Goes Fourth is the fourth title in the unmissable The Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot.Mia and Michael are finally an item, but Grandmere seems to have other plans. Just before the happy couple's first hot date, an unmissable royal engagement turns up. Could it be that Michael doesn't measure up - and that (please not!) Grandmere's got someone else in mind for Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo?
The Princess Diaries: To The Nines
by Meg CabotTo the Nines is the ninth fantastic novel in the hugely successful The Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot.Mia has hit an all-time low. Lilly isn't speaking to her. Someone is posting horrible things about her on ihatemiathermopolis.com. Grandmere is forcing her to give a speech to two thousand of the most powerful businesswomen in America. And oh yeah: Michael, the love of her life, has dumped her. But despite what the press seems to think, Mia has more on her mind than recruiting a new Prince Charming. Like solving a 400-year-old mystery that could mean big changes for little Genovia. But is Mia really ready to throw away her tiara - especially if it means destroying a dynasty?
PS, I Love You
by Cecelia AhernMeaningful and moving – THE classic million-copy bestselling love story from Cecelia Ahern.
Ptolemy's Gate (The Bartimaeus Sequence #Bk. 3)
by Jonathan StroudThe tremendous climax of the Bartimaeus sequence. Three years on from the events in The Golem's Eye, the magicians' rule in London is teetering on a knife-edge, with strikes, riots and general unrest. The Prime Minister is largely controlled by two advisers, one of whom is 17-year-old Nathaniel. Meanwhile, living under a false identity, Kitty has been researching djinn; she has come to believe that the only way to destroy the magicians is with an alliance between djinn and ordinary people.Kitty seeks out Bartimaeus and embarks on a terrifying journey into the djinn's chaotic domain – the Other Place – which no human being has ever survived. But even as she does so, Makepeace engineers a dramatic coup d'etat.The outcome is a shattering of the magicians' control and all magical laws are turned upside down. Can Bartimaeus, Nathaniel and Kitty settle old scores to prevent the earth's destruction?
Queen Camilla (Adrian Mole Ser. #7)
by Sue TownsendWhat if being Royal was a crime?Queen Camilla is the brilliantly funny sequel to The Queen and I by bestselling author Sue TownsendThe UK has come over all republican. The Royal Family exiled to an Exclusion Zone with the other villains and spongers. And to cap it all, the Queen has threatened to abdicate.Yet Prince Charles is more interested in root vegetables than reigning ... unless his wife Camilla can be Queen in a newly restored monarchy. But when a scoundrel who claims to be the couple's secret lovechild offers to take the crown off their hands, the stage is set for a right Royal show down.And the question for Camilla (and rest of the country) will be:Queen of the vegetable patch or Queen of England?Bestselling author Sue Townsend has been Britain's favourite comic writer for over three decades.'Brilliantly satirical' Evening Standard'One of our finest living comic writers' The Times'Brilliantly funny' Closer'Another fantastic read from Townsend' OK!
Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest, and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever
by Bob Dorigo JonesWARNING: THIS BOOK MAY CAUSE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. In the hallowed literary tradition of The Darwin Awards and Headlines comes a mind-boggling collection of the most outrageous warning labels ever slapped onto perfectly good products. Before you try to dry your hair with a blowtorch, or iron a shirt while you're wearing it, read this hilarious collection of crazy caveats. You'll be surprised how far frightened manufacturers (and their lawyers!) must go these days to protect themselves from lawsuits.
Return of the Hundred-Mile-an-Hour Dog
by Jeremy Strong‘Streaker was so gobsmacked she leaped into the air as if she had a pogo stick attached to each leg. Ker-poinnggg!’Streaker runs like a jet-propelled-hurricane, which could cause problems when she enters the local dog show. She has to do well or she’ll get into trouble with the local police . . . and Trevor will get into trouble with horrible Charlie Smugg – AGAIN!
Revenge of the Lunch Ladies: The Hilarious Book of School Poetry (Giggle Poetry)
by Kenn NesbittThe lunch ladies will finally have their revenge! From the lunch ladies getting back at kids who complain about cafeteria food, to principals who disappear into thin air, school has never been so funny. Revenge of the Lunch Ladies is sure to keep the laughs coming with each giggle-packed page. Kenn Nesbitt has created forty-five silly poems and songs all about school. Revenge of the Lunch Ladies is sure to keep the laughs coming with each giggle-packed page. Kenn Nesbitt has created forty-five silly poems and songs all about school. Following the success of When the Teacher Isn't Looking, this book combines Nesbitt's talent and sense of humor to deliver a knee-slapping collection. If silly principals and crazy lunch ladies don't have you laughing, a science project that ate the student's dog will!