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Game Control
by Lionel ShriverFollowing the success of ‘We Need to Talk About Kevin’ and ‘The Post-Birthday World’, ‘Game Control’ is coming back into print after being unavailable for years.
Getting Rid of Matthew
by Jane FallonBreaking up is hard to do. Especially when he's left his wife for you . . .What to do if Matthew, your secret lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife Sophie and their two daughters and move into your flat, just when you're thinking that you might not want him anymore . . .PLAN A: Stop shaving your armpits. And your bikini line. Tell him you have a moustache that you wax every six weeks. Stop having sex with him. Pick holes in the way he dresses. Don't brush your teeth. Or your hair. Or pluck out the stray hag-whisker that grows out of your chin. Buy incontinence pads and leave them lying around.PLAN B: Accidentally on purpose bump into his wife Sophie. Give yourself a fake name and identity. Befriend Sophie. Actually begin to really like Sophie. Snog Matthew's son (who's the same age as you by the way. You're not a paedophile). Buy a cat and give it a fake name and identity. Befriend Matthew's children. Unsuccessfully. Watch your whole plan go absolutely horribly wrong.Getting Rid of Matthew is the sharp and hilariously funny novel from bestselling author Jane Fallon. It was also a Richard and Judy pick. Praise for Jane Fallon:'Intelligent, edgy and witty' Glamour'A brilliant and original tale' Sun'Chick lit with an edge' Guardian
Goodnight Bush: A Parody
by Erich Origen Gan GolanA brilliant parody of the children's classic Goodnight Moon, built around the coming end of the worst presidency ever. Goodnight Bush: An Unauthorized Parody is a hilarious and poignant visual requiem for the Bush administration. In it we see a childlike George W. Bush tucked safely away in the confines of his own room with all of the toys he's willfully destroyed, abused, or defaced. Complete with a quiet Dick Cheney whispering "hush," this bedtime story lets us finally say goodnight to the disaster that was the last eight years.
Gory Tales: The Autobiography of John Gorman
by John GormanJohn Gorman's story is very much about a football man, but it is also much more than just that. After a lifetime in the game John thought he had seen and done it all. He had played, coached and managed at the top and experienced the harsh realities of survival at the lower end of the scale. There was little in professional football that he had not had to cope with. But on a cold February day in 2006 as he gazed lovingly into the weary eyes of his dying wife, Myra, he knew trying to maintain his ability to think clearly as a manager would be impossible. Football had always meant so much to him, but love for his wife meant so much more.
Got You Back: A Husband. A Wife. A Mistress. And The Ultimate Plan
by Jane FallonThe brilliantly witty novel from the Top Ten Sunday Times bestselling author of Getting Rid of Matthew.A husband. A wife. A mistress. And the ultimate plan for revenge . . .The husbandJames never intended to lead a double life - with a wife in London and a mistress in the country, it's exhausting. But that's all about to change . . .The wifeStephanie isn't really snooping when she finds a text message from a strange woman on her husband's mobile. But now she's found it, how can she ignore it? It's time to track the woman down and find out what's going on . . . The mistressKatie has no reason to believe her boyfriend, James, is cheating until someone claiming to be his wife gets in touch. Now she's been cast in the role of mistress. Not one she's happy with . . . Once Stephanie and Katie know about each other, they must decide what to do. They could both just throw him out or they could join forces to make his life hell first . . .But revenge isn't always sweet. And what happens when one woman thinks enough is enough but the other doesn't know when to stop?Praise for Jane Fallon:'Intelligent, edgy and witty' Glamour'A brilliant and original tale' Sun'Chick lit with an edge' Guardian
Grimm (Kelpies Ser.)
by Mike NicholsonIf you have the misfortune to spend a night at Hotel Grimm, it may be the last one you spend anywhere! Or so the residents of Aberfintry believe. From its vantage point high above the town, the hotel has long been the source of dead guests and terrifying stories. When eleven-year-old Rory McKenna becomes an overnight advertising sensation for Zizz Cola, Hotel Grimm's mysterious owner, Granville Grimm, presents Rory with the task of giving his hotel a new image. Refusal is not an option… Can “Zizz Boy” do it again, or will he become Hotel Grimm's next victim? Full of unexpected twists and turns, surprising allies and things that go bump in the night, Rory's life is about to get very complicated. Set in the fictional town of Aberfintry, located roughly in Scotland's Trossachs region, this is a humorous adventure story from the prize-winning author of Catscape.
Grumpy Old Drivers: The Official Handbook
by Stuart PrebbleHow modern motoring drives Grumpies to distractionWe've said that Christmas is the worst thing; we've said that working for idiots is the worst thing; we've said that holidays are the worst thing. But driving is the worst thing of all. It brings together so many of the multitude of individual elements which combine to make Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women grumpy.It's got queuing - at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on motorways, at car parks and even at the 'drive through'. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing.It's got being ripped off - when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some arsehole you've never met bumps into it.It's got being pissed about - when you want to book it in for a service, and when you get to tax it, insure it and get the MOT for it, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it's got the most essential ingredient of grumpiness. Driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation. When we were kids we thought driving would be the ultimate freedom and all it has turned out to be is a total pain in the tushkin.And that is not even mentioning Top sodding Gear...
The Gum Thief: A Novel
by Douglas CouplandDouglas Coupland's inventive novel-think Clerks meets Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?-is the story of an extraordinary epistolary relationship between Roger and Bethany, two very different, but strangely connected, "aisles associates" at Staples. Watch as their lives unfold alongside Roger's work-in-progress, the oddly titled Glove Pond. A raucous tale of four academics, two malfunctioning marriages, and one rotten dinner party, Roger's opus is a Cheever-style novella gone horribly wrong. But as key characters migrate into and out of its pages, Glove Pond becomes an anchor of Roger's unsettled-and unsettling-life.Coupland electrifies us on every page of this witty, wise, and unforgettable novel. Love, death, and eternal friendship can all transpire where we least expect them...and even after tragedy seems to have wiped your human slate clean, stories can slowly rebuild you.
Handbags and Homicide (A\haley Randolph Mystery Ser. #1)
by Dorothy HowellHANDBAGS AND HOMICIDE, set in L.A.'s Garment District, is the first book in an exciting new series featuring the hilarious and irresisitible Haley Randolph.When Haley says she’d ‘kill for’ the latest fashions, she doesn’t actually mean it. Of course, she’d quite happily stamp on feet, pull hair and elbow rivals out of the way to get to a new designer bag. But when her boss at Holt’s department store is discovered dead in the store room fingers are pointed firmly at her! If Haley’s going to escape jail (not to mention the orange prison jumpsuits) she must find the murderer and prove her innocence. At least the hunky Ty Cameron seems to be on her side...
Harry Hill's Whopping Great Joke Book
by Harry HillA treat for Harry Hill fans! Britain's favourite comedian, Harry Hill, loves jokes so much that he has put together a side-splitting joke book for all the family. Containing Harry's favourite jokes picked from the world's joke archive, it also features jokes written by Harry, including some brand-new ones written specially for this book.
The Heart of the Dales
by Gervase PhinnGervase Phinn is back with his tales of life as a schools inspector in Yorkshire. His colourful cast of characters have now become firm favourites - the mostly mad staff at County Hall as well as the children themselves who find ways of embarrassing the school inspectors with innocent ease. We reconvene with Christine Bentley, head teacher of Winnery Nook School and now Gervase's wife and mother of their son, the well-named Mrs Savage and not forgetting the Queen of Clean – Connie. Gervase Phinn has an extraordinary talent to entertain, and the latest instalment to the Dale Series is heart-warming, wry and will make you laugh out loud.
Heartburn (Virago Modern Classics #656)
by Nora Ephron'I have bought more copies of this book to give to people, in a frenzy of enthusiasm, than any other . . . Heartburn is the perfect, bittersweet, sobbingly funny, all-too-true confessional novel' Nigella Lawson Seven months into her pregnancy, Rachel discovers that her husband is in love with another woman. The fact that this woman has a 'neck as long as an arm and a nose as long as a thumb' is no consolation. Food sometimes is, though, since Rachel is a cookery writer, and between trying to win Mark back and wishing him dead, she offers us some of her favourite recipes. Heartburn is a roller coaster of love, betrayal, loss and - most satisfyingly - revenge.This is Nora Ephron's (screenwriter of When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle) roman a clef: 'I always thought during the pain of the marriage that one day it would make a funny book,' she once said - And it is!Books included in the VMC 40th anniversary series include: Frost in May by Antonia White; The Collected Stories of Grace Paley; Fire from Heaven by Mary Renault; The Magic Toyshop by Angela Carter; The Weather in the Streets by Rosamond Lehmann; Deep Water by Patricia Highsmith; The Return of the Soldier by Rebecca West; Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston; Heartburn by Nora Ephron; The Dud Avocado by Elaine Dundy; Memento Mori by Muriel Spark; A View of the Harbour by Elizabeth Taylor; and Faces in the Water by Janet Frame
The Hell of it All
by Charlie BrookerBrooker on the BNP Party Political Broadcast: 'Nick Griffin's first line is "Don't turn it off!", which in terms of opening gambits is about as enticing as hearing someone shout "Try not to be sick!" immediately prior to intercourse.'Brooker on Philip from The Apprentice: 'If it were legal or even possible to do so, he'd probably marry himself, then conduct a long-term affair with himself behind himself's back, eventually fathering nine children with himself, all of whom would walk and talk like him. And then he'd lock those mini-hims in a secret underground dungeon to have his sick way with his selves, undetected, for decades.'Brooker on Royal Ascot: 'Every year it's the same thing: a 200-year-old countess you've never heard of, who closely resembles a Cruella De Vil mannequin assembled entirely from heavily wrinkled scrotal tissue that's been soaked in tea for the past eight decades, attempts to draw attention away from her sagging neck - a droopy curtain of skin that hangs so low she has to repeatedly kick it out of her path as she crosses the royal compound - by balancing the millinery equivalent of Bilbao's Guggenheim museum on her head.'
Hey Diddle Diddle: Our Best-Loved Nursery Rhymes and What They Really Mean
by Sam FosterThis charming compilation of 40 of the best-loved traditional nursery rhymes offers clues as to their true meanings and often surprising origins. Many were not nonsense verses for the playground but served as satirical commentaries on political events of the day. This humorously illustrated book offers a fascinating trip down memory lane.
The Hollywood Assistants Handbook: 86 Rules for Aspiring Power Players
by Peter Nowalk Hillary StammAre you young, eager, smart, and heading off to LA to make it big in the entertainment business? Time for a reality check: Leave your diploma at home, put your grandiose dreams on hold (where hopefully they'll get tired and hang up), and start by repeating the first rule of the industry: Who you work for is more important than who you are. Then leapfrog over everyone else by reading The Hollywood Assistants Handbook. Written by two very sharp and successful assistants to HPPs (Hollywood Power Players), here are 86 lessons packed with a combination of blunt truth, insider humor, and juicy secrets that explain the unwritten rules of how to get a foot in the door and make all the right moves as you climb to the top. Here are the minimum-wage jobs that will put you in the path of HPPs. An annotated resume roundup. The clubs to frequent and the cocktails to order. Movies to watch and books to read (it's called homework). Dressing do's and don'ts. How to get on the Free List. A lineup of boss genres—the Horror Show, the Romantic Comedy, Mr. Action—and how to dodge the tirades that will soon be hurled your way, along with the proper outlets for venting. Plus, the ins and outs of your most important tool, the telephone—when to listen in (always!), who to put through and who to put off, and your new best friend forever, the Plantronics CS70 cordless headset. With its hilariously snarky tone—the gate-keeping quiz is "How to Tell if You're a Moron Who Should Pack Up the Corolla and Move Back Home"—The Hollywood Assistants Handbook is as baldly entertaining for everyone who loves reading about Hollywood as it is indispensably practical for the job-seeker.
Horrid Henry and the Mega-Mean Time Machine: Book 13 (Horrid Henry)
by Francesca SimonFour fabulous stories in which Horrid Henry builds himself a time machine and tricks Perfect Peter; Perfect Peter strikes back; Henry dines at Restaurant Le Posh; and he is made to go on a hike.
Horrid Henry Robs the Bank: Book 17 (Horrid Henry)
by Francesca SimonHorrid Henry helps himself to all the money he needs to win his favourite board game, comes up with another spectacular money-making scheme for launching a newspaper with all the school gossip, vows vengeance on Perfect Peter when Peter nicks his birthday party theme and has his own Pirate Party ¿ and gets it by taking over as Head Teacher when Peter plays school with his goody-goody friends.
Horrid Henry's Stinkbomb (PDF)
by Francesca Simon Tony RossA stinkbomb becomes a deadly weapon in Horrid Henry's long-running war with Moody Margaret; he uses all his guile to win the school reading competition, only to find the longed-for prize is not what he expected; he goes for a sleepover and retreats in horror when he finds that other people's houses aren't always as nice as his own; and he has the joy of seeing Miss Battle-Axe ticked off by the Head when he knows it was all his fault. In short, another vintage HORRID HENRY title!
Horrid Henry's Underpants: Book 11 (Horrid Henry #11)
by Francesca SimonFour hilarious stories, in which Horrid Henry hits on a brilliant way to write thank you letters, negotiates over vegetables, competes with Perfect Peter over which of them is sickest, and finds himself wearing the wrong underpants, with dreadful consequences.
House of Many Ways
by Diana Wynne JonesA chaotically magical sequel to Howl’s Moving Castle, from the bestselling children’s author and ‘godmother of fantasy’, Diana Wynne Jones.
How Much Poo Does an Elephant Do? (Mitchell Symons' Trivia Books #3)
by Mitchell SymonsLet Mitchell Symons be your guide into the weird and wonderful world of trivia.Camels are born without humps.Walt Disney, creator of Mickey Mouse, was scared of mice.Only 30% of humans can flare their nostrilsA group of twelve or more cows is called a flinkAnd an elephant produces an eye-wateringly pongy 20 kilos of dung a day!
How to Build a Robot Army: Tips on Defending Planet Earth Against Alien Invaders, Ninjas, and Zombies
by Daniel H. WilsonIt goes without saying that robots kill. They hunt, swarm, and fire lasers from their eyes. They even beat humans at chess. So who better to stand with us when the real villains arrive? Movies instruct us that, whether we like it or not, we will one day be under siege by pirates, ninjas, zombies, aliens, and Godzilla. Also great white sharks. And-let's face it-we're not prepared. But with the advice contained in this brilliantly illustrated, ingenious book, you can build your own robot army to fend off hordes of bloodthirsty foes. From common-sense injunctions ("never approach an unfamiliar robot in a militarized zone") to tactical pointers ("low-power radar beats cameras for detecting mummies in a fog-shrouded crypt") to engineering advice ("passive-dynamic exoskeleton suits will increase sprint speeds but not leg strength"), this book contains all the wisdom you'll need to fend off the coming apocalypse. Witty, informative, and utterly original, How to Build a Robot Army is the ideal book for readers of any age.
How to Profit From the Coming Rapture: Getting Ahead When You're Left Behind
by Evie Levy Steve LevyAre the end times near? Is the Rapture really just around the corner? Could Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson possibly be right? About 1 billion people among us believe, yes, absolutely. And that means one thing: investment opportunities! For those who are not as expertly versed in the Book of Revelation, Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane, helpfully offer both illumination and advice: What exactly is the Rapture, anyway? How is it different from the Tribulation? Who are the Antichrist, the Four Horsemen, and the 144,000 male virgins, and what do they want? And, most important, how can I make money during the 7 years of societal breakdown before Armaggedon? Taking the familiar form of a how-to investment guide, How to Profit From the Coming Rapture instructs those readers who will certainly be left behind (Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, less ardent Protestants, and many more) on how to exploit the inevitable demise of the world in order to make a tidy profit. Sure, the rivers and seas will run with blood, locusts will swarm, mountains will move all over the place, and famine will strike. But for the five billion of us left behind, the post-Rapture world will be a time of even more unique investment opportunities.
Hunter’s Run
by George R.R. Martin Gardner Dozois Daniel AbrahamA new benchmark in modern SF. A sharp, clever, funny morality tale that answers the biggest question of all: what makes us human?
Idiots, Hypocrites, Demagogues, and More Idiots: Not-So-Great Moments in Modern American Politics
by Paul SlanskyThere's nothing more enjoyable than when political bigwigs stick their feet in their mouth. Whether discussing foreign policy, the choice of vice-presidential running mate, the State of the Union, or the state of their marriage, the chances to screw up political careers are seemingly endless. In Idiots, Hypocrites, Demagogues, and more Idiots, humorist Paul Slansky gathers together some of the most outrageous, hypocritical, self-serving, demagogic, criminal, offensive, surreal, and just plain idiotic moments in American politics over the last fifty years. With deliciously subversive sections entitled "Inaccurate Prognostications," "Delicious Wallows In Schadenfreude," "Bizarre Blurts," and "Freudian Slips," this book brings together the worst mistakes America's politicians, policy-makers, and wonk-heads ever had the audacity to commit-sometimes two or three times.