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This Book Will Get You Laid
by Emma Dickens"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", told us what men and women were thinking about each other; "He's Just Not That Into You", told us where women were going wrong; and "The Rules And The Game", told women and men respectively how to attract a partner. But there has never been a book which shamelessly gets right down to the basics, aimed at both sexes - and does so with a sense of humour. After all, sex is meant to be fun, right? "This Book Will Get You Laid" takes the age-old dance between men and women and strips it down to its bare essentials - how to catch the eye of your chosen victim, sorry, loved one; how to make initial contact (or 'Moving in for the Kill'); foolproof mechanisms for persuading them to come back to your place; and, once there, how to make all their clothes fall off as if by accident. The rest is up to you...
The Timewaster Letters
by Robin CooperFor several years, Robin Cooper has been plaguing department stores, hotels, associations, fan clubs and a certain children's book publisher with his letters. From Prince Charles to the Peanut Council, Harrods to the British Halibut Association - no one is safe. So who is Robin Cooper? Architect, thimble designer, trampoline tester and wasp expert, Robin Cooper is all of these things - it just depends on the person he's writing to...
Tiny Acts of Rebellion: 97 Almost-Legal Ways to Stick It to the Man
by Rich FulcherLet's face it, who has the time or inclination to topple a government these days? I mean, with daily obligations like video games and heavy drinking, it's hard to find the time to even get a parking ticket overturned. Never fear, Tiny Acts of Rebellion will show you hundreds of ways to revolt against the tedium of everyday life. Whether it's making rude gestures to a hotel clerk under the desk or making your own 'Do Not Disturb' sign that says 'Come In If You Like Swordplay', Rich Fulcher's inventive collection will allow you to unleash your rebellious side - without getting arrested. Including: unlatching your safety belt before the plane has fully stopped; squeezing a spot in the ATM camera; driving through a lonely red light in the dead of night; leaving a handful of coppers as a tip for bad service.
Tricks to Freak Out Your Friends
by Pete FirmanIf you're interested in magic because on your 9th birthday your Mummy and Daddy booked the ruddy-faced Uncle Fiddlesticks who pulled a bunny out of a hat and made sweets appear from his pockets which he forced you to verify empty and you want to know how it was done, this isn't the book for you. (Stick with the counselling; you'll get through it.) The material in this book is 'grab you by the balls and twist 'em' stuff. It's sick, it's rude, they'll say it's in poor taste but they'll want to see more: it will blow their minds. Here is a book rammed full of tricks to really get people talking. Tricks that will give you the reputation of the guy or girl that does the really weird stuff, who can crack their nose, take a bite out of a glass, perform magic that won't be forgotten later that day. If I bent a spoon under your nose and had it melt in your hand and then floated 6 inches off the ground you'd take notice, wouldn't you? It's all here and more...
Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area: Driven Crazy by the Modern World?
by Chris Martin'If you point my smart phone at the sky, its star-gazing app can supposedly identify and name planets outside of our galaxy. Extraordinary - but even more extraordinary is that it can't actually make telephone calls. Trying to get a signal on it is like searching for the Yeti - some people believe it exists but you would probably have to trek to the Himalayas to find it.'Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area is a hilarious call-to-arms for everyone infuriated by 21st Century technology. Gadgets that are supposed to make life easier have just made it more complicated and annoying. If you have found yourself shouting at a recorded voice on the phone, been driven crazy by the illogical pricing of train tickets or found yourself drowning in a sea of half-remembered passwords, then this is the book for you.
Universally Challenged: Quiz Contestants Say the Funniest Things
by Wendy RobyThere's nothing quite like a quick fire question, the pressure of a countdown, or the expectant stare of Jeremy Paxman for making even the most intelligent quiz show contestants (as well as the not so clever) come out with the most unbelievably stupid answers. Universally Challenged is a collection of slip-ups, blunders and misunderstandings from contestants who really are the weakest link. Includes these priceless examples from Family Fortunes: Les Dennis: Name something that could be useful to a blind man. Contestant: A sword. Les Dennis: Name a bird with a long neck. Contestant: Naomi Campbell. Les Dennis: Name something people might be allergic to. Contestant: Skiing. This hilarious compendium of stupidity is guaranteed to have readers of any age howling in disbelief.
The Vlogger Diaries: Confessions of an Internet Sensation
by Tim CollinsIf you can’t make friends, make subscribers!Olivia Warren is living the vlogging dream. With thousands of subscribers, a gorgeous boyfriend and freebies coming through the door, it couldn’t be going better. But Olivia has a secret. The girl on the vlog isn’t her.How long can it last? Will Olivia be exposed as a fraud? And will Olivia’s cat ever stop sleeping and do something cute enough to go viral? Discover the hilarious story of one teenage girl’s journey from geeky nobody to online superstar … sort of.From the author of the bestselling Diary of a Wimpy Vampire series.
Well Fared, My Lovely
by Les DawsonA startling exposé of crime and corruption, in which private eye Marlowe - alias Les Dawson, fresh from his conquests in Come Back With the Wind - takes the lid off the underworld to reveal gangsters, shysters, traffic wardens, good time girls, bad time girls who get better, traffic wardens . . . Meet Mussell Malloy, the man with a penchant for seafood and a chest like a burst sofa; meet Velma, woman of mystery and deadly beauty; meet Mike Mallet, the cop with more than a little to hide. Thus begins the journey into the inner workings of the criminal fraternity.This book is not for the squeamish - but then the author says he doesn't care what religion you are!
Where's the Llama?: A Whole Llotta Llamas to Search and Find
by Paul Moran Gergely Forizs John Batten Adam Linley Jorge SantillanFROM THE PUBLISHERS OF THE BESTSELLING WHERE'S THE UNICORN?, GET READY FOR A WHOLE LLOTTA LLAMA DRAMA! Word has reached the Andes that everyone’s going bananas over llamas! Intrigued, an intrepid herd of fun-loving llamas have decided to ‘alpaca’ their bags and embark on an incredible round-the-world adventure to meet their adoring llama fans. Join head llama Beatriz and her hilarious herd – including rock-n-roll Ricardo, fashion-mad Daphne and cute cria Hector – as they travel to all kinds of incredible places. From a Chinese ice festival and a Mexican carnival to a hip street market and all the way home to llama land, there are 17 intricately illustrated scenes to search and ten terrific llamas to find in every location. The answer pages at the back of the book feature extra things to spot and each scene is teeming with laugh-out-loud llama references – from inflatable llamas at the beach to llama masterpieces in a modern art gallery.Illustrated by the bestselling artist behind Where’s the Unicorn? and Where’s the Meerkat?, this 'llama-zing' search-and-find book is a must-have gift for llama lovers everywhere!
The Wicked Wit of Charles Dickens (The Wicked Wit #2)
by Shelley KleinAdmired by his contemporaries, and a hugely celebrated writer of his day, Charles Dickens is now remembered as one of the greatest English novelists and an influential spokesman for the conscience of Victorian England. His work has inspired, enthralled and entertained millions across the globe, and his social commentary remains as relevant in the modern day as ever.The Wicked Wit Of Charles Dickens explores and reveals aspects of the author's personal and professional life, whilst celebrating his flair for witty and satirical observations about society and human nature. Containing lengthy extracts from scenes of great amusement in his novels, as well as pithy remarks uttered by his unique characters, this is a wonderful collection which can be enjoyed by Dickens' legions of fans, as well as those readers who are new to his writing.
The Wicked Wit of Cricket (The\wicked Wit Ser.)
by Mike HaskinsWelcome to The Wicked Wit of Cricket, a compendium packed with the game’s greatest stories from both on and off the field. ‘The English,’ as George Bernard Shaw once remarked, ‘are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.’ Some might call it eternity. Others might instead regard it as heaven. The world of cricket is nevertheless one that is filled with larger than life characters – be they the great players, the unforgettable commentators, the legendary umpires or the most enthusiastic and barmiest fans. The contest between leather and willow is, after all, only challenged by soccer as the world's most popular sport.The Wicket Wit of Cricket is a sumptuous feast of cricket’s greatest tales, legends and anecdotes all spread out across the clubhouse table in bite-sized pieces. Bringing together the sport’s most famous quips, insults, pranks, mishaps, incredible facts, outrageous incidents, plus all those great moments of commentary where the words did not come out quite as intended. This is a book packed not just with wicked wit but with wicket wit as well!
The Wicked Wit of England (The Wicked Wit #8)
by Geoff TibballsThe Wicked Wit of England is a celebration of British humour, featuring a collection of stories, anecdotes, quips and quotes that capture the various idiosyncrasies of the English character.If there is one thing that first-time visitors to England find mystifying – along with our fondness for eating chips out of old newspapers, our nostalgia for the shipping forecast (even though most of us have never ventured out to sea in a trawler) and the fact that not all men wear bowler hats to work – it is our sense of humour. ‘Ah, you English and your humour,’ they will say, with an air of suspicion, unsure as to whether they have just been unexpectedly praised or routinely insulted. It is easy to sympathize with them, for English humour encompasses a number of different styles. It can be surreal or satirical, dark or sophisticated, bawdy or genteel. And nobody does irony or sarcasm like the English. If Olympic gold medals were awarded for sarcasm, we would top the leader board every time.The various idiosyncrasies of the English character – the social awkwardness, the constant need to apologize, the obsession with the weather, the stiff upper lip, and the love of queuing, to name but a few – are celebrated in The Wicked Wit of England, a collection of stories, anecdotes, quips and quotes featuring English people from all walks of life, from Quentin Crisp to Frank Skinner and Stephen Hawking to Thora Hird. This book might not help outsiders understand the English, but it might make them tolerate us a little more.
The Wicked Wit of Ireland (The Wicked Wit #10)
by Myles Byrne‘An Irishman will always soften bad news, so that a major coronary is no more than "a bad turn" and a near hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is "good drying weather"’ – Hugh LeonardThe people of Ireland are renowned for their wit, and they have migrated from Ireland to most corners of the world, taking that famous sense of humour with them. Modern comedians and comic writers as varied as Dylan Moran, Sharon Horgan, Tommy Tiernan, Alison Spittle, Graham Linehan and Ed Byrne have their own distinctive ways of celebrating and mocking their origins while still occasionally acknowledging the traditional ‘paddywackery’ (meaning the rain-soaked, Guinness-sodden Oirish stereotype of old). The roots of Irish humour are much more complex: for centuries classic Irish writers have used black humour and sarcasm, ranging from the satires of Jonathan Swift, George Bernard Shaw and Oscar Wilde through to the hilarity of J.P. Donleavy and the sublime nonsense of Flann O’Brien and Spike Milligan (‘Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.’) This collection combines a pinch of traditional Irish humour, from shamrocks to limericks, and blarney stones to drinking stories, mixed with distinctly modern one-liners, quips and quotes from the best of the current crop of humorists, along with sections on the Irish mammy, literary feuds and putdowns and epitaphs.
The Wicked Wit of Jane Austen (The Wicked Wit #5)
by Dominique EnrightLauded for her eloquence, observation and wry humour, Jane Austen was a novelist who was highly regarded and greatly celebrated in her own time. However, her appeal is as great as ever, and her insights remain as fresh and relevant today as when they were first published. This delightful volume offers thematic extracts from fiction and correspondence; featuring quotes from such novels as Emma, Northanger Abbey, Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park and Persuasion, alongside extracts from Austen's letters to her sister and confidante, Cassandra. It contains a host of quotations displaying Austen's sharp - indeed, often wicked - social observation and satirical wit, which will be enjoyed by fans of the author as well as readers who are new to her writing. The Wicked Wit of Jane Austen is a charming tribute to a writer whose work will resonate for centuries to come. Also available in the series are collections from Shakespeare, To Be or Not To Be, and Oscar Wilde, I Can Resist Everything Except Temptation.
The Wicked Wit of Prince Philip (The Wicked Wit #6)
by Karen DolbyHis Royal Highness The Duke of Edinburgh, KG, KT, OM, GBE was at the forefront of British public life since he married Princess Elizabeth in 1947. In the seventy years since, his wit (and the occasional ‘gaffe’) continued to endear him to the nation, as he travelled the world taking his unique and charmingly British sense of humour to its far-flung corners. Hailed as a god by a tribe in Vanuatu, the Prince had his fair share of brickbats from the media nearer home, but his outspokenness never failed to raise laughs – and eyebrows.From notorious one-liners to less newsworthy witticisms and from plain speaking to blunt indifference, the Prince did what we all wish we could do now and again – forget polite conversation and say what he thought.
The Wicked Wit of Princess Margaret (The Wicked Wit #7)
by Karen DolbyCelebrate the rapier-like wit of the royal rebel, the late, great Princess Margaret – or ‘Ducky’ as she was known behind closed doors.Even as a child, Princess Margaret – younger sister of Elizabeth – was noted for her theatrical and witty demeanour. Her nanny, 'Crawfie’ described her as a ‘born comic’ and her sister, now Queen Elizabeth II, remarked that parties were always better with Margaret in attendance as she made everyone laugh. She made John Lennon blush and Pablo Picasso was infatuated with her – and she made no secret of her intolerance for the dim-witted, the disobedient or the boring – and her one-liners are legendary: On considering that Elizabeth would one day be Queen, Margaret’s response was one of sincere commiseration, ‘Poor you’, she told her.Attending a high-society party in New York, the hostess asked politely how was the Queen? ‘Which one?’ Margaret replied coolly, ‘My sister, my mother, or my husband?’
The Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth II (The Wicked Wit #4)
by Karen DolbyA beautiful collection celebrating the Queen’s humour, with amusing quotations and stories about royal life.When thinking of the Queen, our first image is one of dignity and authority. She is the very definition of majesty: the British monarch, the Supreme Governor of the Church of England and the head of the Commonwealth. But as anyone who knows her will tell you, in person she has awicked sense of humour:* Occasionally unintentional (when meeting guitar legend Eric Clapton she enquired 'Have you been playing a long time?')* Sometimes cannily astute ('I have to be seen to be believed')* At times downright silly (nicely demonstrated when staff at Balmoral discovered the Queen jumping up and down with glee exclaiming 'I've won, I've won!' after hearing that England had beaten Australia in the cricket)… the Queen’s sense of humour is like no other. Revealing a side of the Queen's personality that the public rarely see, this joyous book is a timely celebration of royal humour as Elizabeth II succeeds Victoria as Britain's longest-serving monarch.
The Wicked Wit of Scotland (The Wicked Wit #9)
by Rod GreenWhat is it about Scotland that people love so much? Scotland is famous for many things, as any Scotsman will happily tell you. The list of Scottish inventions is as long as Loch Ness, stretching from penicillin and the telephone to Irn Bru and Grand Theft Auto but, while that Scotsman is busy explaining how Scotland gave the world whisky, television and Long John Silver, spare a thought for the nation and its people. The Scots are a peculiar race with characters as varied and changeable as the unpredictable Scottish weather. In Scotland people will tell you that they love the summer, it’s one of the best days of the year, and that wry sense of humour is what inspires The Wicked Wit of Scotland.This funny and beautifully observed book pulls together stories, quotes, quips and anecdotes from Scots talking about Scotland and others from all over the world relating what they most admire about the country that Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling described as ‘one of the most hauntingly beautiful places in the world. The history is fascinating, the men are handsome and the whisky is delicious. But don’t eat the macaroni pies.’ Featuring wit and wisdom from writers such as Armando Iannucci and Compton Mackenzie, Stanley Baxter and Neil Munro, the sometimes dubious delights of Scottish cuisine are discussed, along with the culture, folklore, politics and sport that will help us to understand just what makes Scotland tick.
The Wicked Wit of the Royal Family (The Wicked Wit #11)
by Karen DolbyThe Wicked Wit of the Royal Family celebrates the flashes of fun and brilliance of the most famous family in the world.There is no doubt that the British royal family is THE most famous family in the world. Watched and picked over in the media for everything from fashion choices to baby bumps, sporting achievements to nightclub preferences, there doesn’t seem to be a moment when they can escape public scrutiny. But, somehow, they still manage to maintain a sense of humour – and it’s those flashes of fun and brilliance that this book celebrates.From Prince Philip’s gaffe-prone remarks (most of which appear ON camera rather than off) to the ‘in’ jokes shared by the knowing smiles of the younger royals and the Queen’s wickedly dry and often bitingly funny remarks; from Prince Charles’s asides to the Duchess of Cornwall to the self-deprecating smile of the Duchess of Cambridge and the belly laughs that appeal to Prince Harry. This book presents the other side of royal protocol and perhaps gives a glimpse of the real lives of this much-loved clan.
The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill (The Wicked Wit #3)
by Dominique EnrightSir Winston Churchill remains a British hero, lauded for his oratorical skill. He wrote histories, biographies, memoirs, and even a novel, while his journalism, speeches and broadcasts run to millions of words.From 1940 he inspired and united the British people and guided their war effort. Behind the public figure, however, was a man of vast humanity and enormous wit.His most famous speeches and sayings have passed into history but many of his aphorisms,puns and jokes are less well-known.This enchanting collection brings together hundreds of his wittiest remarks as a record of all that was best about this endearing, conceited, talented and wildly funny Englishman.Also available in the series:(9781782433651) The Wicked Wit of Queen Elizabeth II(9781782435426) The Wicked Wit of Oscar Wilde(9781782435662) The Wicked Wit of Jane Austen
The Wimpy Vampire Strikes Back
by Tim CollinsNigel Mullet is just your average fifteen-year-old immortal vampire: he likes to play video games, laze about, awkwardly pursue girls, write in his diary and occasionally save the day. But now Nigel finds himself in charge of the vampire coven on the remote island of Hirta, a responsibility he's not particularly enjoying. He's sick of resolving petty disputes between vampires when he could be using his position to get to know the hot vamp girls who have been increasingly showing interest in him, especially the sultry Lenora. Power does have some other positives, though, such as having the biggest room in Hirta Castle and getting away without doing vampire history homework. When Nigel allows a recent coven recruit named Viktor to take over his role, the newcomer proves himself to be a brutal and merciless leader. The hapless Nigel is cajoled into becoming the leader of the resistance movement, but can he defeat the tyrant? Can he prove himself a leader of men (even though he's really not that bothered)? And will he get the girl?
Wise Words from King Charles III
by Karen DolbyCharles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and heir apparent for more than seventy years, became King on 8 September 2022. On 6 May 2023, the world watched as he was crowned at Westminster Abbey in an historic ceremony full of ritual and pageantry.Wise Words From King Charles III looks at the personality behind the pomp. Though more guarded than his famously outspoken father, Charles is not averse to sparking controversy with his views on subjects close to his heart. During his years as king-in-waiting, there has been plenty of time for his interests and personality to develop. Passionate about the environment and natural world, he was a conservationist, speaking out about climate change before it became the norm to do so. ‘I don’t want my grandchildren or yours to come along and say to me, "Why the hell didn’t you do something; you knew what the problem was."’A skilled horticulturalist, he embraced his eccentric image and relished his reputation for talking to plants, ‘Only the other day I was inquiring of an entire bed of old-fashioned roses, forced to listen to my ramblings on the meaning of the universe as I sat cross-legged in the lotus position in front of them.’He is also a keen sportsman and music lover, interested in the arts and architecture. His views on modern buildings have prompted some of his most colourful comments. He called the proposed extension to the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square ‘a monstrous carbuncle on the face of a much-loved and elegant friend’ and compared London’s evolving skyline to ‘an absurdist picnic table’ … ‘We already have a giant gherkin, now it looks as if we are going to have an enormous salt cellar.’If he hadn’t been destined to rule, he may have liked to be a comedian. ‘I love imitating and mimicking… I enjoy making people laugh if I can.’ He acknowledges, ‘So much of what one does requires acting ability in one way or another and it’s extremely useful if you enjoy it.’Taking on a new role at an age when most people would be retiring, King Charles brings a lifetime’s knowledge and experience to the job. This book focuses on the wisdom the monarch has acquired during his long apprenticeship, told through the wise – and sometimes not so wise – words of the man himself.
The World's Stupidest Criminals: (pdf)
by Rhian McKayEver been tempted by a life of crime? As the stories in this hilarious collection illustrate, unless you're a lot smarter than the average law-breaker, it may not be such a good idea. Time and time again would-be felons with supposed master plans have shot themselves in the foot - on occasion quite literally! Whether storming into a bank having forgotten to put eyeholes in the bag they're using as a disguise, or writing their ransom demand on the back of their own parole card, some dumb criminals give crimefighters a far too easy time of it! With over 100 true stories of the funny, bizarre, and sometimes tragic exploits of the world's most hopeless crooks, The World's Stupidest Criminals provides a wealth of insight into the workings (or lack thereof!) of the criminal brain.
The World's Stupidest Deaths
by Andrew John Stephen BlakeThough death is normally a serious and sad business, The World's Stupidest Deaths seeks to prove otherwise by revealing many unbelievable examples of the world's most unusual (and in some cases, highly ironic) demises, which are guaranteed to provoke tears of incredulous laughter.Discover great stories such as that of the Austrian dwarf and circus acrobat, Franz Dasch, who was killed during an exhibition in northern Thailand when he bounced from a trampoline and was swallowed by a nearby yawning hippopotamus. Doctors later concluded that the hippo had a gag reflex that automatically caused her to swallow. The 7,000-plus spectators continued to applaud until they realized that the panicked crew and paramedics were not part of Dasch's act ...Including accounts of the unfortunate deaths of such famous individuals as: Attila the Hun; the writer and statesman Sir Francis Bacon; the Greek playwright Aeschylus; and Dr Robert Atkins, creator of the high-protein, low-carbohydrate Atkins Diet.
The World's Stupidest Headlines
This is an entertaining collection of the world's stupidest headlines, featuring over 300 examples of the most ludicrous headlines ever to be printed in newspapers throughout the world. At first glance they might seem perfectly reasonable, but on closer inspection their implied meaning can be something else entirely ... and it's not always pretty.