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A Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi: The Ideal Guide to Sounding, Acting and Shrugging Like the French
by Charles TimoneyVocabulary alone isn't enough. To survive in the most sophisticated - and the most scathing - nation on Earth you will need to understand the many peculiarities of the (very peculiar) French culture. And for that you need A Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi.If you want to fit in with the French you'll have to know how to deal with sardonic waiters; why French children hate Charlemagne; the etiquette of kissing, joke-telling and drinking songs, what to do with a bidet, the correct recipe for a salade nicoise and, of course, how to convey absolute, shattering indifference with a single syllable (Bof!).Charles Timoney, the author of Pardon My French, provides a practical, pleasurable guide to the charms of the Gallic people - from their daily routines to their peerless gesticulations, from their come-ons to their put-downs. Read on and put the oh la la back into your French vacances. Your inner gaul will thank you for it.
Chalcot Crescent
by Fay WeldonMeet Frances, one-time national treasure, former famous writer... and Fay Weldon's might-have-been younger sister. It's 2013. Fay has long since emigrated (wouldn't you, if your imaginary sister stole your future?), and eighty-year-old Frances, her glory days gone, is savouring a slice of National Meat Loaf in her once-magnificent house. Communism's dead, capitalism's fallen, and now government bailiffs are banging on her door... How did it come to this? When did CiviCams and powdered egg replace gossipy dinners and chocolate mousse? As Frances tries to make sense of her story, fact and fiction begin to implode. What secrets are her family hiding? Is her skunk-smoking grandson plotting revolution upstairs? And just what makes National Meat Loaf so tasty?
Chic Murray's Funnyosities
by Robbie GrigorMy boss is so narrow minded that when he has an idea, it comes out folded.' 'I used to write her love letters in the sand. But it was an incredible hassle trying to get sand into the pillar box.' 'Do you know the piano's resting on my foot?'. 'No, but hum it and I'll play it'. Chic Murray is a cult figure of alternative humour, a comedic pioneer ranked in the highest echelons of his art in the last century and admired around the world. Funnyosities features a huge number of Chic's funniest one-liners - some well known and others taken from material newly found by the great man's family. This collection is the perfect distillation of Chic's gloriously off-beat humour.
The Chronicles of Hernia
by Barry CryerA collection of hilarious stories and eye-popping anecdotes from the nation's best-loved comedianBarry Cryer is one of the most respected and admired writers and performers of his time. In a career spanning forty years, Barry has worked alongside the greatest producers and performers in show business: Tommy Cooper, Humphrey Lyttelton, Morecambe and Wise, Willie Rushton, Peter Cook, Kenny Everett, Rory Bremner to name but a few - this book is a veritable Who's Who of comedy.From humble beginnings at the Windmill Theatre and Expresso Bongo, to The Frost Report, Call My Bluff and I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue, Barry recalls the good, the bad, and the downright ugly in his own inimitable style. 'Barry Cryer ...an anecdote jukebox whose whole life is basically one big chatshow.'Guardian
Classic Football Debates Settled Once and For All, Vol.1: Settled Once And For All
by Danny Baker Danny KellyAt last! The award-winning Baker & Kelly bring you the most entertaining, radical and unreliable football book ever published. The Two Dannys argue the toss, spill the beans and chew that fat about everything and anything from the biggest questions down to stuff they have frankly invented themselves. Which club has the handsomest fans? Who is the greatest player of all time? Pele? Maradona? Puskas? Rougvie? Have foreign players helped or hindered the English game? Well, Marco Boogers, well? And who was the greatest football dad, Fred Baker or Andy Kelly? Now with even more footballing facts, myths and legends, the paperback asks (and answers) hard-hitting questions, such as, what was the greatest ever World Cup? Just how much pathetic World Cup tat can one own, Danny Kelly? And where do all those beautiful women in the crowd come from?A cornucopia of footballing fun and well-crafted wisdom that is certain to sell like beer-flavoured crisps. Baker & Kelly: Sometimes right sometimes wrong - but always certain.
Colm & the Lazarus Key
by Kieran Mark CrowleyA thrilling adventure for children 9 years + Eleven-year-old Colm thinks that spending a fortnight with his cousin The Brute is the worst thing that can happen to him this summer. He s about to find out he s wrong. When his family have to find a place to stay for the night they choose the worst possible option: a remote hotel where they're the only guests, a hotel that holds some dark secrets. When Colm accidentally sets an ancient curse in motion he has less than twenty-four hours to solve the mystery of the Lazarus Key or he'll have to face the gravest danger of all. Nominated for the Bisto Book of the Year Award A lively fantasy adventure ... a name to watch out for in the future - Irish Independent Moves effortlessly between laugh-out-loud comedy and hide behind the sofa scariness- Inis Magazine A cracking debut novel- Books Ireland
Comic Relief: A Comprehensive Philosophy of Humor (New Directions in Aesthetics)
by John MorreallComic Relief: A Comprehensive Philosophy of Humor develops an inclusive theory that integrates psychological, aesthetic, and ethical issues relating to humor Offers an enlightening and accessible foray into the serious business of humor Reveals how standard theories of humor fail to explain its true nature and actually support traditional prejudices against humor as being antisocial, irrational, and foolish Argues that humor’s benefits overlap significantly with those of philosophy Includes a foreword by Robert Mankoff, Cartoon Editor of The New Yorker
The Complete Book of Sisters
by Dr Luisa DillnerA sister is for life: your best friend, or your worst enemy. She is the yardstick by which you measure how well you're doing and the keeper of your family secrets. She may be the first person you rush to when something wonderful happens or the one whose shoulder you cry on. She's the one you're compared to and the one to compete with. In this entertaining collection there are sisters ranging from the loving Bront�s to the scrapping Mitfords (who could never remember who was in and who was out of favour), to the Pankhursts (who fought for women's suffrage only to fall out with each other), to sisters of Lenin and Hitler, and of Kings and Queens. There are sisters whose job it is to compete with each other, such as Venus and Serena Williams. 'It wasn't fun eliminating my little sister, but I have to be tough', said Venus.A Lewis Carroll poem says, 'never stew your sister'. If cooking her isn't allowed, what is the worst thing you can do to your sister? If you want to make sure she'll never forgive you, pinch her man or borrow her clothes.
Completely Conkers: What Drives you Nuts About Modern Britain
by Jon Stroud Will JacksonWho would live in a country where no child is allowed to win a race on sports day and you can lose your job for forwarding an ‘Irish joke’ email? About 60 million Britons, that’s who! Completely Conkers is a laugh-out-loud collection of ludicrous laws, political correctness gone mad, and ridiculous red tape.
Confessions of a Reluctant Recessionista
by Amy SilverCassie Cavanagh has never minded being 'just a PA'. In fact she's quite content with her lot. She has a city job she kind of enjoys - after all she is indispensable, you know. She has a boyfriend who showers her with gifts - what more could a girl want? And she earns enough to (just about ) finance the luxuries she's become used to.But Cassie hadn't banked on being made redundant. Nor had she pictured her boyfriend leaving her for an older woman! Nor had she ever imagined needing to take financial advice from her student flatmate.Reluctant to embrace the art of being thrifty, if Cassie's going to survive the recession in style, she's a lot to learn about budgeting. And even more to learn about herself...
Cosmic
by Frank Cottrell BoyceIt's one giant leap for all boy-kind in Frank Cottrell Boyce's out-of-this-world story: Cosmic.Liam is too big for his boots. And his football strip. And his school blazer. But being super-sized height-wise has its advantages: he's the only eleven-year-old to ever ride the G-force-defying Cosmic rollercoaster – or to be offered the chance to drive a Porsche. Long-legged Liam makes a giant leap for boy-kind by competing with a group of adults for the chance to go into space. Is Liam the best boy for the job? Sometimes being big isn't all about being a grown-up.This edition of Cosmic includes bonus material and discussion questions from Frank Cottrell Boyce and features fantastic cover artwork from Steven Lenton.
Crap MPs
by Dr. Bendor Grosvenor Dr. Geoffrey HicksA countdown of the 40 worst Members of Parliament in British political history.
Cringe: Toe-Curlingly Embarrassing Teenage Diaries, Letters and Bad Poetry
by Sarah BrownWho among us hasn't suffered from the trauma of adolescence? Of great loves gained and lost all in a day and friendships forever destroyed - only to be rekindled the following Monday morning? And which of us can honestly say that we don't have a secret collection of diaries, poems and crazed love letters stashed somewhere, a cringeworthy, but touching reminder of how simple it all was once? Well, you're not alone. Cringe features a fist-chewingly embarrassing collection of genuine teenage musings, alongside some self-examination, background and asides from the now so-called grown-ups who once wrote them. Re-enter the wonderfully melodramatic world of the teenage mind as Cringe provides a glimpse of the adolescent experience in all its navel-gazing glory.
Dad Rules: How My Children Taught Me To Be a Good Parent
by Andrew Clover'She says: "Darling let's have children". I know this is a historic moment. I must respond like a man. So I ignore her . . .'Sunday Times columnist Andrew Clover would like to share with you everything he's learned - the hard way - about childcare. Starting at the beginning, by asking why men are so terrified of breeding, he examines every worry a parent is likely to face: How can I make them sleep? How do I choose a good school? Will I ever have sex again? Why should I paint my face like a tiger? Wise and candid, this is the most truthful parenting guide of all time. It's also the funniest and most inspiring read any dad - or mum - could ever hope to read.
Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood by Britain's Finest and Funniest
by Gil McNeil Sarah BrownThey may be your inspiration or your best friend, kind protectors or big on homework and manners, there for the first nappy change or always down the pub - but there is no one else quite like Dad.In Dads, Britain's finest and funniest share their anecdotes and personal recollections about both what it is like to be a dad - from the shock of looking after a new born to the mixed blessings that are teenagers - and their changing relationships with their own fathers.The phenomenal list of high-profile contributors includes Sir Richard Branson, Bill Bryson, Andrew Collins, Jilly Cooper, Richard Curtis, Sir Alex Ferguson, Anna Ford, Joanne Harris, Charlie Higson, Kathy Lette, Davina McCall, Fiona Millar, David Miliband, Anthony Minghella, John O'Farrell, David Puttnam, Ian Rankin, David Tennant, Alan Titchmarsh and Fay WeldonHugely entertaining and thought-provoking in turns, this celebration of fatherhood explores just what it is to be a dad.
Daisy and the Trouble with Kittens (Daisy Fiction #4)
by Nick Sharratt Garry Parsons Kes GrayDaisy is going on holiday! In an actual plane to actual Spain! It's so exciting! She's never seen a palm tree before, or eaten octopus, or played zombie mermaids, or made so many new friends! TROUBLE is, five of them are small and cute and furry kittens!!!! And guess who wants to be their new English Mum?!?
The Dangerous Book for Middle-Aged Men: A Manual for Managing Mid-Life Crisis
by David QuantickSo your husband/boyfriend/partner (delete as necessary) has just tipped over 35/40/45/50 (delete as necessary) and you can see that he's not quite as keen on Emmerdale as he once was. He's started to dress with his jeans hoiked too high like his hero Jeremy Clarkson and he's bought a home gym - the one recommended by George Clooney. Then there are those Harley Davison brochures delivered in brown envelopes. You've noticed he's started pulling in his beer gut when he's talks to his teenage secretary. And why have his grey sideburns turned that browny black? That's a sure sign of hair dye. And then you stumble into the bathroom in the morning and he's got his hands in a jar of your face cream. LADIES BEWARE!That dangerous age has arrived. It's the male menopause. The mid-life crisis. The time when suddenly you find your partner has put a whole Scalextrix track in your attic without you noticing. He's bought an electric guitar and insists on playing 'Smoke On The Water 'to the cat at all hours. It that time when no matter what you say they suddenly don't mind making a fools of themselves. They come home almost every week with a new enthusiasm. Dangerous Men don't just cook - they COOK. With truffles, that cost £210 for one the size of a wrinkled scrotum, and have to be from the right region of France. And they must be served with a side order of blowfish, because you saw that in a James Bond DVD that came free with the Mail on Sunday.
The Daredevil Book for Cats: What Cats Really Think!
by Nick GriffithsHave you ever tried working out what goes on in the mind of a cat? Cats are an enigma within a mystery wrapped up in a glossy coat and curled up by the fire. But The Daredevil Book for Cats is here to spill the beans. Companion volume to The Daredevil Book for Dogs, and no more sensible (that's a promise).
The Daredevil Book for Dogs
by Nick GriffithsYou probably think your favourite mutt is a beast of little brain, who spends all day in front of the fire getting ready for 'walkies' and all night dreaming of bones. The Daredevil Book for Dogs is here to set you straight. This is a surreal journey deep into the canine psyche.
Dark Calling: Demon Apocalypse; Death's Shadow; Wolf Island; Dark Calling; Hell's Heroes (The Demonata #9)
by Darren ShanEvents take an unexpected turn in this ninth awesome foray into the worlds of the Demonata…
A Date in Your Diary
by Jules StanbridgeKatie Peel knows what's hot and what's definitely not. As the 'what's on' writer for her local magazine, it's her job. Her own social life, however, is teetering on the verge of non-existence. With the last of her friends tying the knot and the threat of being replaced at work by some annoying London 'it' girl, it's time for drastic action. Determined to find the ideal partner to take to the wedding, Katie decides to register on a dating website. And when the resulting liaisons turn into experiences worth writing about, she suddenly finds herself the unwitting star of a hugely popular new column. Will her newly acquired social status as a minor celebrity help in her quest or is she destined to go to the wedding alone... again?How far would you go to find the perfect date? Katie Peel knows what's hot and what's definitely not. As the 'what's on' writer for her local magazine, it's her job. Her own social life, however, is teetering on the verge of non-existence. With the last of her friends tying the knot and the threat of being replaced at work by some annoying London 'it' girl, it's time for drastic action. Determined to find the ideal partner to take to the wedding, Katie decides to register on a dating website. And when the resulting liaisons turn into experiences worth writing about, she suddenly finds herself the unwitting star of a hugely popular new column. Will her newly acquired social status as a minor celebrity help in her quest or is she destined to go to the wedding alone... again?
The Dating Detox
by Gemma Burgess‘A laugh-out-loud funny take on modern dating for lovers of Paige Toon and Adele Parks. Perfect to read while you’re detoxing in January!’ Closer Magazine
The Devil's Dictionary (Wordsworth Reference Ser.)
by Ambrose BierceA word book, straight up, with a twist The Devil's Dictionary is an American classic. A Yankee Oscar Wilde with a wicked edge to his tongue, gained from seeing the world early and cynically as it really was, Ambrose Bierce, friend and rival of Mark Twain, was one of America's first great writers and journalists. His razor-sharp wit and underlying rage against hypocrisy is perfectly complemented by Ralph Steadman's equally incisive pen and ink illustrations. Adore, v.t. To venerate expectantly. Bride, n. A woman with a great future behind her Corporation, n. An ingenious device for securing individual profit without individual responsibility. Debauchee, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.
The Difference a Day Makes
by Carole MatthewsOne day she had everything - the next it was goneWilliam and Amy love their busy city life, but when Will collapses on his way into work he decides enough is enough and moves his family to the country.Three months later, Amy is standing outside Helmshill Grange, a sullen monstrosity of a house, deep in the Yorkshire moors. Within days, Will has traded in the Audi for a Land Rover, and brought home chickens, goats, sheep, a serial-killer cat and a mad dog.But when tragedy strikes, Amy finds herself living a dream that isn't hers . . .