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Flood and Fang: Book 1 (Raven Mysteries #1)
by Marcus SedgwickMeet the wonderfully weird Otherhand family and their faithful guardian, Edgar the raven, and discover the dark secrets of Castle Otherhand.Edgar is alarmed when he sees a nasty looking black tail slinking under the castle walls. But his warnings to the inhabitants of the castle go unheeded: Lord Valevine Otherhand is too busy trying to invent the unthinkable and discover the unknowable; his wife, Minty, is too absorbed in her latest obsession - baking; and ten-year-old Cudweed is running riot with his infernal pet monkey. Only Solstice, the black-haired, poetry-writing Otherhand daughter, seems to pay any attention. As the lower storeys of the castle begin mysteriously to flood, and kitchen maids continue to go missing, the family come ever closer to the owner of the black tail...Dedicated website on Raven Mysteries: www.ravenmysteries.co.uk
Football Academy: Reading the Game (Football Academy Ser.)
by Tom PalmerBen is at his happiest playing for United and is getting top marks from the coach. But every day at school is a trial for Ben, as he struggles to hide a huge secret from his teachers and classmates.Ben's secret is starting to affect his game - can he swallow his pride and ask for help before he sidelines himself - for good?
Football’s Funniest Jokes (Funniest Ser.)
by Jim ChumleyFootball is a funny old game and, as this little book shows, it has inspired many laugh-out-loud jokes. Illustrated in full colour, Football’s Funniest Jokes is guaranteed to raise a laugh at half-time or even when your team loses on penalties.
Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes: Revised and Updated! Over 2,000 One-Liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs, and Put-Downs
by Friars ClubA side-splitting collection of 2000 jokes from the best-known comedians and members of the infamous Friar's Club including Ellen Degeneres, Chris Rock, George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, Wanda Sykes, Jon Stewart, Johnny Carson, Phyllis Diller, and dozens more. p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica} Need a laugh? How about 2000 of them? Hundreds of the world's best comedians provide jokes for every occasion and situation --lightbulb jokes, "he's so dumb..." jokes, mother-in-law jokes, dirty jokes, really dirty jokes, and more! Organized alphabetically by topic, the collection is perfect for browsing, searching for ice-breakers and pick-up lines, spicing up toasts, or adding a dose of humor to public speeches.Includes an introduction by comedian Drew Carey!
Funniest Thing You Never Said 2: The Ultimate Collection Of Humorous Quotations
by Rosemarie JarskiThe bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour.'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen
Funny Shaped Balls: The Biggest Book of Sporting Jokes Ever
by Jonathan SwanOver 2,000 sporting funnies from every sport: football, rugby, cricket, golf, boxing,snooker and beyond...Two men fishing on a river bank in a canal in London on a Saturday afternoon miles away from a radio or TV. Suddenly one man turns to the other and says, 'Spurs have lost again.' The other man is astonished and says, 'How on earth do you know that?' The other man replies, 'It's quarter to five.'After the success of the George Foreman grill, Audley Harrison is launching his own toaster. The problem is it can only do four rounds.What does Steve Harmison put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? A bat
The Gap Year for Grown-Ups
by Annie SandersHave you ever wanted to take a holiday from your life?After twenty years of comfortable marriage, and with the kids finally off her hands, Sarah Lewis realises she has filled the washing machine once too often. Surely there must be more to life than this? What she wants is an adventure - a wild, unpredictable adventure - but her husband, good old reliable David, is very happy with the status quo. Besides, he's got his old car to tinker with, when he eventually gets round to it.What Sarah needs is a gap year for grown-ups - and she wants to do it alone. Confident the grass must be greener elsewhere, she heads for France, leaving behind a devastated and resentful David, faced with an empty house and a freezer full of meals for one.But is life really better on the other side of the fence? With a gorgeous French man demanding her company and a renewed joie de vivre, Sarah certainly seems to think so. But then a catastrophe threatens to derail much more than Sarah's little adventure. Pretty soon, she begins to wonder whether gap years are for grown-ups after all...
Gaunty's Best of British: It's Called Great Britain, Not Rubbish Britain
by Jon GauntGaunty's Best of British is one man's cheerful look at what's right - and what's wrong - with his country, and a brilliantly entertaining guide to how Britain can be Great again. Jon Gaunt embarks on a tour of the best bits of this green and pleasant land, celebrating all things British. His forthright tribute is an aptly eclectic collection, covering everything from cricket, foxhunting and the FA Cup, to great inventions like the Spitfire, the Mini and the miniskirt, and our unofficial national cuisine of fish and chips washed down with a cup of tea or a pint of real ale. Whether you live in Coventry or Cambridge, Liverpool or London, now is the time to join Gaunty and start shouting about this fantastic country and what makes it so Great.
Ghosts and Gadgets: Book 2 (Raven Mysteries #2)
by Marcus SedgwickJoin the wonderfully weird Otherhand family and their faithful guardian, Edgar the raven, and discover the dark secrets of Castle Otherhand.The rumblings and wailings from the Lost South Wing can no longer be ignored, as one by one, members of the castle are being found frozen, 'scared to death'. With mother, Minty, obsessing over her latest fad - sewing - and father, Valevine, busy experimenting with a machine to discover the Lost Otherhand treasure, it's up to aspiring ghost-hunters Solstice and Cudweed to solve the mystery. But as usual, things don't go quite as planned... It's just as well Edgar is there to save the day!Second in a brand new six book series of tales of mystery (with a touch of goth-froth) for 9 year olds from bestselling author, Marcus Sedgwick. With quirky black and white line illustrations from new talent, Pete Williamson.Dedicated website on Raven Mysteries: www.ravenmysteries.co.uk
The Girl Next Door: A Novel
by Elizabeth NobleAn outstanding tear-jerker that will break your heart - from the Number One bestselling author of The Reading Group and Things I Want My Daughters to KnowWhat makes a house a home?For Eve Gallagher, home is miles away in England since she and her husband relocated to an apartment building on New York's Upper East Side. And life isn't remotely coming up roses.What makes a neighbour a friend?Violet has lived in the building for decades but she's always kept herself apart, until Eve's loneliness touches her heart and friendship blossoms.What makes a wife a lover?Jason Kramer in Apartment 6A is no longer sure he loves his wife, but he's head-over-heels for Rachael Schulman in 6B.What makes the girl next door the woman of your dreams?Meeting Emily Mikanowski from 3A turns Trip Grayling's world upside down. It's love at first sight, but he needs help from Charlotte, the shy romance addict in 2A, if he's going to win the girl.Dreams come true, hearts are broken and no one is left unchanged when the secrets and desires hidden behind closed doors are finally brought into the light.'A wonderfully well-written book, full of emotion' Daily Mail'We loved it . . . we were totally hooked wondering what twists were coming next' Heat'This emotional read it full of fascinating characters you'll miss once the final page is turned' Bella**Elizabeth Noble's gloriously uplifting new novel, Letters to Iris, is out now!**
The Girl On The Landing: ‘Part love story, part psychological thriller’, from the author of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
by Paul Torday'The best book of the year... truly astonishing' Sunday Express'An exciting novel - part love story, part psychological thriller' Mail on Sunday'Surprising and suspenseful' Observer A GHOST STORY, A PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER AND A TALE OF LOVE REDISCOVERED, FROM THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMENElizabeth has been married to Michael for ten years. She has adjusted to a fairly monotonous routine with her wealthy, decent but boring husband. Part of this routine involves occasional visits to Beinn Caorrun, the dank and gloomy house in a Scottish glen that Michael inherited. But then Michael begins to change. It starts when he thinks he sees, in a picture, the figure of a girl on a landing. As he changes, life becomes so much more fun and Elizabeth sees glimpses of a man she can fall in love with at last. But who - or what - is changing Michael?
The Global Warming Survival Kit: The Must-have Guide To Overcoming Extreme Weather, Power Cuts, Food Shortages And Other Climate Change Disasters
by Brian CleggClimate change is upon us. Make no mistake: disasters such as Hurricane Katrina are the tip of a rapidly melting iceberg. While we must still press our governments to take action to mitigate the most extreme effects of global warming, it is now beyond doubt that prevention will not be enough. We clearly need to plan for the worst. But good advice is hard to come by - until now.The Global Warming Survival Kit includes:- Where to live to minimize the impact of climate change.- How to get drinkable water when the taps run dry.- What to eat to stay alive in town and country.- Essential survival equipment to keep ready. We can all hope that the worst scenario won't happen - but it's easier to be secure in that hope if you are well prepared.
The Golden Labyrinth: Book 6 (Something Wickedly Weird)
by Chris MouldWith a werewolf still on the loose, Stanley Buggles knows that Crampton Rock lies in deadly danger. Who will confront the escaped criminal who roams the wild and windy moor?And how will the treasure keepers protect the gold mine from the threat of piracy ...?Originally published under the title 'The Treasure Keepers'.
The Good Divorce Guide
by Cristina OdoneThe story of feisty mother, Rosie Martin, who is determined to manage her divorce in the best way possible.
Good Times!
by Justin Lee CollinsHe street jams in spandex and wrestles in lycra. He's been a magician, a ventriloquist and a clown. He's hugged some of the biggest stars in the world, and pretty much anyone else who's crossed his path. He mucks about, wears silly costumes and manhandles his friend Alan Carr on national TV on a weekly basis. And people have literally paid him to do all this. Good times! But life wasn't always so kind to young Justin. He discovered he couldn't kiss very well at school camp in Plymouth. "An attractive sixth-form girl let me snog her. I was about 12. She pulled away, and said 'Aaah, you can't do it.' Then she then picked me up and carried me back to my room." The years stacking shelves at Bristol's Marks and Spencer weren't exactly a high point. Being told to 'walk faster' by his boss and being given a final warning: "it dawned on me they thought that putting out knickers and crisps was beyond me!" Bad times.But mere retail couldn't keep him down! This hilarious coming-of-age story follows his journey from collecting Star Wars toys as a small boy to schmoozing Carrie Fisher in her Hollywood home, and becoming one of the most loved and instantly recognised faces on British TV. For each new twist his life has taken, he hasn't changed a bit. He's as bouncy, funny, shambolic, huggable and of course Bristolian as he's ever been. This is the story of how it all happened. By accident. But this book is not just a routine celebrity autobiography/memoir - that would be boring. Especially for Justin himself, whose attention span is that of a small child at the best of times. Instead, this is JLC utilising his remarkable photographic memory to ponder the unfeasibly peculiar and funny moments that have defined his life, and desperately trying to make sense of it all. Rock on!
The Grerks at No. 55: Book 1 (Nelly the Monster Sitter #Bk. 3)
by Kes GrayNelly isn't scared of monsters. In fact, she babysits for them. From the bestselling author of the OI FROG! and DAISY books comes this hilarious, action-packed series for fans of THE BOLDS and BARRY LOSER.'If monsters are real, how come I've never seen one?''Because they never go out.''Why don't monsters ever go out?''Because they can never get a babysitter.'Ever played catch with a six-legged Gog, or made pancakes with an oozy orange Squurm? Every time Nelly rings on a new monster family's doorbell she's up for a new challenge. Come on her monster-sitting adventures in this laugh-out-loud funny first book in the NELLY THE MONSTER SITTER series. Kes Gray is one of the Independent's top ten children's authors, and winner of the Red House Children's Book Award.This story now comes with brand-new illustrations; it was previously published in a collection entitled: Grerks, Squurms & Water Greeps.
The Gulf Between Us
by Geraldine BedellPride and Prejudice in the Arabian Gulf?For most people, being a single mother to three boys (two of them teenagers), sorting out your feelings for an ex-boyfriend who's now an international film star, pacifying an elderly father who keeps asking why you're not married, tolerating your bigoted brother, while keeping out of the way of a dismissive film producer who seems to have made a mission out of annoying you, would be quite enough of a challenge.Annie Lester is not only trying to tackle all this - she's also doing it in the small Gulf emirate of Hawar where, in the summer of 2002, the impact of America's decision to invade Iraq is just beginning to be felt.The Gulf Between Us is a deliciously written novel about disappointment, hope and surviving in a world of conflicting values by the author of The Handmade House and Observer journalist Geraldine Bedell.'Politics and passion make for combustion in this acutely observed and often very funny novel' The Times'Geraldine Bedell invites us straight into the beating heart of family life . . . a delicious novel' Meg RosoffPraise for The Handmade House'A warm, funny, satisfying book' India Knight
Hell’s Heroes (The Demonata #10)
by Darren ShanThe final dramatic conclusion to Darren Shan’s international phenomenon, The Demonata. Expect the unexpected…
The Hen Night Prophecies: Eastern Promise (The\hen Night Prophecies Ser. #2)
by Jessica FoxEASTERN PROMISE is the second novel in this addictive new series, THE HEN NIGHT PROPHECIES, following the fortunes of five different girls, each given their own puzzling prophecy at a friend's hen night... Priya's prophecy, 'In love, mother knows best...' does not fit her fiercely independent, successful world. She's fed up of her disapproving Hindu family's constant meddling in her love-life. Distrusful of men ever since her betrayal by boss and ex-boyfriend Vic, she throws herself into work. When her new assignment leads her to India to document an ashram high in the hills, Priya hopes to find some much-needed serenity. But with mystery and secrets at its heart, she's soon convinced something sinister is afoot. And with her feelings for attractive tour guide Noah complicating things further, Priya can't help but wonder: is Noah really interested in her, or is he trying to distract her from finding out the truth?
Hens Reunited
by Lucy DiamondHens Reunited is a humorous story of friendship and romance, from the author of The Beach Cafe, Lucy Diamond.Katie, Georgia and Alice were at each other's hen nights but now the chickens have come home to roost; their marriages have fallen apart and their friendships have been tested to the limits.Control-freak Katie has become a commitment-phobe - there's no way she wants to get married again. Is there?Ambitious Georgia always puts her career first. If anyone gets hurt, it's their look-out - right?And faithful Alice wants to make a fresh start, but can't get over her cheating ex - and Georgia's betrayal.Hearts have been broken, and feathers ruffled . . . can the hens ever be reunited?
High Hopes: My Autobiography
by Ronnie CorbettA true great of British comedy, Ronald ‘Ronnie’ Corbett, is hailed as one of the finest comedians of his generation.Son of an Edinburgh baker, Ronnie rose to fame as one half of the infamous Two Ronnies alongside Ronnie Barker. Known for his versatility, quick-wit, family-friendly dialogue, and meandering monologues, Corbett was a staple of British television for more than 50 years. In his autobiography, he tells the complete story, from his school technique of estimating the height of a girl before daring to ask her to dance, to his days as a night club barman in London, and finally, to his decades long career as a stand-up and sitcom star. Including tales of how he first met David Frost, John Cleese and Michael Palin, this book is written with all of Ronnie’s trademark warmth and wit.Celebrating his life and career, this is Ronnie’s own honest and definitive account of his truly dramatic journey.
Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood
by Michael LewisHere, with his remorseless eye for the truth, the bestselling author of Liar's Poker turns his sights on his own domestic world. The result is a wickedly enjoyable cautionary tale.Lewis reveals his own unique take on fatherhood, dealing with the big issues and challenges of new-found paternity: from discovering your three-year-old loves to swear to the ethics of taking your offspring gambling at the races, from the carnage of clothing and feeding to the inevitable tantrums - of both parent and child - and the gradual realization that, despite everything, he's becoming hooked.Home Game is probably the most brazenly honest and entertaining book about parenting ever written.
Horrid Henry Wakes The Dead: Book 18 (Horrid Henry)
by Francesca SimonHorrid Henry finds a surefire way of wielding the remote control to ensure he always watches his programme of choice, vies with Moody Margaret to become the head of the school, shows off his prowess as a magician in the school talent show, and battles it out with Perfect Peter over who gets the green dinosaur and who gets the purple one.
Hound Dog Days: One Dog and his Man: a Story of North Country Life and Canine Contentment
by Harry PearsonA decade and one dog after penning the bestselling Racing Pigs And Giant Marrows, and inspired by the purchase of his new hound, a petit basset-griffon Vendeen called Little Man, Harry Pearson returns to the world of stalking, ferreting and beating with this ramble through the countryside.Harry Pearson was born into a dog-loving family and grew up with a variety of spaniels, terriers, collies and mongrels. He currently spends several hours every day running along behind a bassett-griffon pretending he really intended to go that way himself. Within these pages will be found anecdotes culled from forty-five years of living with dogs, wise observations on canine and human behaviour, historical tales of famous dogs, learned speculations on nature and descriptions of life in the real English countryside - a place where there are otters in the river, glue-sniffers in the woods and fisticuffs over fishing rights.
The Household Guide to Dying
by Debra AdelaideA moving novel, charting a dying woman’s attempts to prepare her family for the future. For fans of Maggie O’Farrell and Audrey Niffenegger.