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The Book of Not Entirely Useful Advice
by A.F. HarroldA riotous celebration of words and a modern take on cautionary tales – featuring advice on parrots, gravy, mathematics, castles (bouncy), spiders, vegetables (various), breakfast, cakes, and removing ducks from soup.Advice comes in many shapes. Poems come in many shapes. And so, it follows, poems of advice come in many shapes too. Sometimes they look you in the eye and say, 'Do this! Don't do that!' Sometimes they sidle up beside you and whisper, 'Have you ever thought about … ?'Not everything in this book is necessarily good advice, and not all of it is sensible advice. (But if you take the bad or un-sensible advice and don't follow it, then it may become useful advice in its own way.)Filled with colour illustrations and packed with silly rhymes, witty wordplay and thought-provoking story poems, this collection will delight children of all ages.
The Book of Not Entirely Useful Advice
by A.F. HarroldFrom acclaimed writer A.F. Harrold comes a riotous poetry collection that encourages readers to think critically--perfect for fans of Shel Silverstein!Packed with silly rhymes and witty wordplay, A.F. Harrold's poetry is positively bursting with fun--and advice. But it's not always the most useful. . .Never apologize to a door you've walked into, unless it's a really special door.Don't serve a cat soup when the cat wants jelly. Tomato soup won't fill a feline belly.Don't put a rock in a roll, unless you hate having teeth.Among the seemingly nonsensical stanzas on onions, sausages, and kilted koalas are exercises in critical thinking--what advice should readers follow, and what should they dismiss? Harrold's short, clever poems work seamlessly alongside Mini Grey's vibrant art to create visual gags that will have readers in stitches. Both silly and poignant, this book is perfect for curious readers, poets, and cabbages everywhere!
BOOT: Book 2 (BOOT)
by Shane HegartyThis is a thrill-ride of an adventure, with illustrations by Ben Mantle bringing Boot's world to life. Fans of Toy Story and Charlie Changes into a Chicken will love this hilarious, warm-hearted story about a small robot on a big adventure, full of fun, friendship and a warehouse full of bouncy castles.'Fast, funny and furious. These are definitely my favourite robots.' Eoin ColferToy robot Boot has come a long way since it woke up in a scrapyard with only two and a half glitchy memories. It has a home with its robot pals in an abandoned amusement arcade, and has discovered what true happiness is - although it's still not sure why humans are so leaky and weird ... But when Boot and the gang stumble upon Rusty, an old, broken robot, forgotten in the back of a testing lab, it's time to spring into action. Boot knows there's something special about Rusty - but can they free the old robot and help it find its purpose?Illustrated throughout in glorious black and white by the award-winning Ben Mantle, this is an unforgettable tale of resilience and hope. Read more of Boot's adventures - shortlisted for the Sainsbury's Book Award - including Boot: small robot: BIG adventure and The Creaky Creatures.
BOOT: Book 3 (BOOT)
by Shane HegartyThis is a thrill-ride of an adventure, with illustrations by Ben Mantle bringing Boot's world to life. Fans of Toy Story and Charlie Changes into a Chicken will love this hilarious, warm-hearted story about a small robot on a big adventure: full of fun, friendship, and a large number of malfunctioning robot pets.'Fast, funny and furious. These are definitely my favourite robots.' Eoin ColferBoot was once a toy robot, but it has come a long way since it was scrapped and woke back up with only two-and-a-half glitchy memories. When Boot catches sight of a robot pet it used to know - Mr Piggles - our hero and pals follow it to a beautiful green square in the city of skyscrapers. Here they find not just real nature, but also a haven for broken and rejected pets. They also meet the children who look after the pets, and for whom this green space is a sanctuary too. But Boot is distracted by its emotions, swinging from happy to sad ... maybe Boot is broken? Can it work out what is wrong, with the help of its friends? Illustrated throughout in glorious black and white by the award-winning Ben Mantle, this is an unforgettable tale of resilience and hope. Read more of Boot's adventures - shortlisted for the Sainsbury's Book Award - including Boot: small robot, BIG adventure and The Rusty Rescue.
A Boring Wife Settles the Score
by Marie-Renee LavoieThe eagerly anticipated sequel to the critically beloved and bestselling Autopsy of a Boring Wife finds the saucy and ever-appealing Diane, now turning fifty and with the wreckage of her marriage behind her, setting off on a new hilarious journey for romance.A Boring Wife Settles the Score marks the return of Diane, the raunchy and entertaining heroine of the prize-winning and bestselling Autopsy of a Boring Wife. Despite the end of her marriage, Diane still has plenty of love to give. Determined not to waste her days — that’s just not her style — she finds a job in a daycare and solace in cocktails with her best friend, Claudine, who convinces Diane her love life is not over. Diane wants romance and sees no reason why she shouldn’t have it, but she soon discovers, in her typically chaotic and hilarious manner, that for a woman approaching her fifties the task is not so simple as it is for a man.
The Borisaurus: The Dictionary of Boris Johnson
by Simon WaltersDo you know your Boosterism from your Backstopectomy? Can you tell Prometheus from Cincinnatus, and if so, do you know what Prime Minister Boris Johnson is trying to say when he namechecks esoteric figures from the classics, quotes obscure phrases from history or just makes words up?Certainly, Johnson is the most verbose Prime Minister of recent years, no doubt the result of a classical education, a closet full of public-school confidence and a former career as a wordsmith for The Times. Boris, more than perhaps any other leader, knows the importance of words, but he also knows how to have serious fun with them.Welcome to The Borisaurus, a lexicon of the Prime Minister’s funniest, wittiest, most interesting words and phrases compiled in one brilliant dictionary, with every entry accompanied by a guide to its etymology, pronunciation, meaning and the intention of its use.
Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious
by Rob TempleA handful of years ago I moved with my wife to a house on a quiet street in a quiet town and lay quietly in a room for a long time. I used to love an adventure, and I had jobs on magazines (remember magazines?) which provided the opportunity for plenty of them, but when I hit my thirties I started to become increasingly afraid of the world, until I was too frightened to even go outside at all. And I had no need to go outside: I'd somehow wangled it so my job was mostly tweeting, which meant no colleagues, no bosses, no office, no alarm clock, no deadlines . . . just me, my phone and my social media feeds. Doesn't sound too healthy, does it? It wasn't. Everything went bad.Rob Temple runs a social-media empire from the comfort of his sofa. Living the dream! But what happens when a lack of colleagues, bosses and alarm clocks means that your sofa, and the four walls of your very quiet living room, become your whole world? In this tender and life-affirming memoir, Rob explores what it will take for him to become a little less Bear (Pooh) and a little bit more Bear (Grylls), and how mild-mannered, anxious rule-followers can get their own share of (gentle) adventure from time to time.
Boy Parts
by Eliza Clark'Hallucinogenic, electric and sharp.' JESSICA ANDREWS'Will make most readers howl with laughter and/or shut their eyes in horror.' GUARDIAN**Pre-order Eliza Clark's next novel, PENANCE, now**Irina is in a rut. She obsessively takes explicit photographs of average-looking men she scouts from the streets of Newcastle while her dead-end bar job slips away; she's more interested in drugs, alcohol, and extreme cinema. When she's offered an exhibition at a fashionable London gallery which promises to revive her career in the art world, it should feel like an escape. But the news triggers a self-destructive tailspin, drawing in her obsessive best friend and a shy young man from her local supermarket who has attracted her attention . . .BOY PARTS is the incendiary debut novel from Eliza Clark, a pitch-black comedy both shocking and hilarious, fearlessly exploring the taboos of sexuality and gender roles in the twenty-first century.'Smart, stylish, and very funny.' LARA WILLIAMS'Boundaries are for breaking and if anyone can crash through and reinterpret the fear of our time, Eliza Clark can.' MSLEXIA'A carnival funhouse ride: terrifying, feverish, hilarious.' JULIA ARMFIELDWHAT READERS ARE SAYING:'A dark, funny, nasty book. Brilliantly written, annoyingly good.' 5* reader review'I am obsessed.' 5* reader review'Both shocking and darkly funny, this razor-sharp debut is unlike anything I've read before.' 5* reader review'I loved this, properly loved it!!' 5* reader review'Left me both in awe and totally disturbed. Wow.' 5* reader review
Boy Queen
by George LesterFall wig first into a world of big hair, high heels and even higher stakes in George Lester's debut novel Boy Queen.Life's a drag until you try . . . Robin Cooper’s life is falling apart. While his friends prepare to head off to University, Robin is looking at a pile of rejection letters from drama schools up and down the country, and facing a future without the people he loves the most. Everything seems like it’s ending, and Robin is scrabbling to find his feet.Unsure about what to do next and whether he has the talent to follow his dreams, he and his best friends go and drown their sorrows at a local drag show, where Robin realizes there might be a different, more sequinned path for him . . .With a mother who won't stop talking, a boyfriend who won't acknowledge him and a best friend who is dying to cover him in glitter make up, there's only one thing for Robin to do: bring it to the runway.
Break a Leg: A memoir, manifesto and celebration of amateur theatre
by Jenny LandrethA joyful celebration of amateur theatreThis is the story of amateur dramatics in Britain. In a triumphant mix of memoir, social history, interviews and manifesto, Jenny Landreth opens our eyes to am-dram and shows us a vibrant world that is a crucial part of our culture. Starting with the Mystery Plays of the Middle Ages, we move, via Shakespeare, to the Georgian aristocrats who built opulent private theatres in their own homes, then to the halcyon days of radical lefties taking political theatre to the streets, and on to the present day. Along the way, we visit several thriving theatres – across the country, and beyond our shores – and meet a cast of characters who tell us about the joy amateur theatre brings them. And we follow the full arc of a production at the Midlands theatre where Jenny's parents met and she started out, from first auditions to last night party, with all the mishaps and forgotten lines that come in between.In Britain today there are millions of people involved, and amateur theatre takes many forms, from classic productions to panto, but also cutting-edge new work. Without it, there would be no professional theatre, no Judi Dench or Kenneth Branagh or Brenda Blethyn. Break a Leg is an emphatic celebration. It is also a rallying cry, a call to appreciate how amateur theatre enriches communities and many people’s lives – and how, if you join in, it might just do the same for you.
Bright Bursts of Colour
by Matt Goodfellow'Matt Goodfellow is a fresh voice on the children's poetry scene.' (Pie Corbett)What if cats had flavoured fur or if you swallowed the sun? What if you were a special kind of badger or if you found a map to the stars? And what if your home was split during the week: one half at Mum's, the other half at Dad's?Packed with brilliant poems that explore a whole range of themes from the downright silly to the sensitive, this collection will delight, enthuse and resonate with children and adults alike!
Britain's Best Political Cartoons 2020
by Tim BensonA cartoon companion to an unprecedented year in politics. 2020 will forever be remembered as the year of coronavirus: twelve months in which we collectively forgot about Brexit, to turn our attention to the NHS, furloughs and social distancing. All of us, that is, apart from Britain's political cartoonists. Here, our finest satirists turn their eyes to Covid and much more: from the never-ending Brexit psychodrama to the Labour leadership election to the next US president. Featuring the work of Steve Bell, Peter Brookes and Nicola Jennings, Britain's Best Political Cartoons is your trusty companion to another year of turmoil, tantrums and Trump.
Burnt Sugar: Longlisted for the Booker Prize 2020
by Avni DoshiLONGLISTED FOR THE BOOKER PRIZE 2020A searing debut novel about mothers and daughters, obsession and betrayal - for fans of Jenny Offill's Weather, Deborah Levy's Hot Milk and Diana Evans' Ordinary People'Utterly compelling, complex, unflinching realism - sometimes emotionally wrenching but also cathartic, written with poignancy and memorability' The Booker Prize Judges 2020'An unsettling, sinewy debut, startling in its venom and disarming in its humour from the very first sentence' GuardianIn her youth, Tara was wild. She abandoned her loveless marriage to join an ashram, endured a brief stint as a beggar (mostly to spite her affluent parents), and spent years chasing after a dishevelled, homeless 'artist' - all with her young child in tow. Now she is forgetting things, mixing up her maid's wages and leaving the gas on all night, and her grown-up daughter is faced with the task of caring for a woman who never cared for her.This is a love story and a story about betrayal. But not between lovers - between mother and daughter. Sharp as a blade and laced with caustic wit, Burnt Sugar unpicks the slippery cords of memory and myth that bind two women together, and hold them apart.'Taut, unsettling, ferocious' Fatima Bhutto, author of The Runaways 'Acerbic, full of wit and cool intelligence - every sentence is a coiled spring and each psychological portrait burns itself into the mind. I couldn't put it down' Olivia Sudjic, author of Exposure and Sympathy'Crystalline, surgical, compulsively readable. An examination of toxic relationships and the ties that bind us' Sharlene Teo, author of Ponti 'Daring and deliciously dark, Burnt Sugar will keep you gripped until the very last sentence' Zeba Talkhani, author of My Past is a Foreign Country'Raw, wise and cuttingly funny on love and cruelty, marriage and motherhood, art and illness, and one woman's fight for her sense of self' Rowan Hisayo Buchanan, author of Starling Days
BuzzFeed Ultimate Book of Quizzes: Questions and Answers on Life, Love, Food, Friendship, TV, Movies, and More
by BuzzfeedHilarious, entertaining, and irresistibly binge-worthy, this officially licensed ultimate collection of BuzzFeed quizzes -- from the most popular to the never-before-published -- includes hundreds of questions on everything you love all in one place!If you've been on the internet, chances are you've taken a BuzzFeed quiz or three in your lifetime. And if so, you probably know which Friends character you are or what your favorite fruit says about you. For years, BuzzFeed quizzes have made the rounds online and have gone crazy viral for a good reason -- they're fun, interactive, and super shareable. For the first time ever, BuzzFeed brings you one jam-packed book overflowing with 200 quizzes covering love, food, friendship, TV, movies, personality, and everything under the pop-culture sun. So whether you want to know which Disney character is your soul mate, where you should go on your next vacation, or what age you really are, gather your closest friends, break out the gel pens, and crack this quiz book open to find out.
By a Thread: the must-read workplace romantic comedy from the bestselling author of Things We Never Got Over
by Lucy ScoreFrom Sunday Times and #1 New York Times bestselling author of Things We Never Got Over Dominic: I got her fired. Okay, so I'd had a bad day, but there's nothing innocent about Ally Morales. Maybe her colourful, annoying, inexplicably alluring personality brightens up the magazine's offices that have felt like a prison for the past year. Maybe I like that she argues with me in front of the editorial staff. And maybe my after-hours fantasies are haunted by her brown eyes and sharp tongue.She's working herself to death at half a dozen dead-end jobs for some secret reason. And I'm going to fix it all. Don't accuse me of caring. She's nothing more than a puzzle to be solved. If I can get her to quit, I can finally peel away all those layers. Then I can go back to salvaging the family name and forget all about the dancing, beer-slinging brunette.Ally:Ha. Hold my beer, Grumpy Grump Face.
Calm Down, Zebra
by Lou KuenzlerA celebration of colours and patterns from the pair that brought you bestseller NOT YET, ZEBRA.Annie said to the animals, "Let's help baby Joe.He's learning his colours, which he doesn't yet know.I'll paint pictures of you - please line up for me.If I use the right colours then Joe will soon see."Everyone's favourite, enthusiastic zebra is back, eager to get in on the act as Annie tries to teach her little brother about colours. But although things don't turn out quite the way she imagines, together they make the world a brighter and more beautiful place!'A joy to read aloud . . . guaranteed to win the hearts of all little mischief-makers.' Lancashire Post
Camp Jupiter Classified: A Probatio's Journal (The Trials of Apollo)
by Rick Riordan*A brand-new official companion guide to The Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan!*Mysterious incidents are wreaking havoc throughout Camp Jupiter. And if the Romans don't find out who-or what-is behind the episodes soon, the Twelfth Legion could implode.So things are looking pretty serious. Suspicion falls on Claudia, the Fourth Cohort's newest probatio. After all, the mischief started shortly after she stumbled into camp. Plus, she's a daughter of Mercury, the god of thieves and tricksters.To find out the truth, see through Claudia's eyes the crime scenes, and watch as the bizarre events unfold. Be by her side when she discovers a secret so ancient not even the lares know about. A secret that holds the key to Camp Jupiter's safety...Don't miss The Tower of Nero the FINAL Trials of Apollo adventure. Coming in September 2020!
Can I Give My Stepkids Back?: A laugh out loud, uplifting page turner
by Aurelie Tramier"A wonderful story. I laughed - and cried - a lot! You have to read this." *****Anne-Christine, Amazon customer"Bitter sweet!" *****Amazon reviewer"A wonderful read full of depth and emotion"****Morgan, Netgalley reviewerAs a childcare centre director, Morgan has to deal with kids every day but would much rather run her own boarding kennel. Snoopy-Morgan's beagle-s indeed the only living being she has considered family these past few years. When her sister and brother-in-law die in a terrible car crash, she has no choice but to adopt their two children.The unexpected addition to her household is clearly unlikely to get her closer to her canine goals. And as if this wasn't enough, she seems to be getting it all wrong with her "stepkids", ordering bedding her new son Elliot finds terribly childish, and forgetting to bake a cake for school on Lea's birthday. Grandma Catherine is convinced she'd do a much better job...When Snoopy sprains his leg, the kids are swept off their feet by the handsome single vet who's nursing him back to health. They're convinced he and Morgan would be a match made in heaven. Now they only need to convince Morgan...
Can You Make This Thing Go Faster?
by Jeremy ClarksonThe hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once againThese days, you might know him better as a tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer, but Jeremy Clarkson wasn't always a horny-handed son of the soil.Not at all . . .Back in the day Jeremy was far more likely to be found gunning around the world in a haze of burnt rubber and petrol fumes. But life as a globe-trotting petrol-head also meant he was forced endure more than his fair share of foolishness, frustration and downright bafflement. And, while Jeremy may not a patient man, you have to ask why anyone should have to consider issues as diverse and perplexing as:·The downsides of relaxing in a bath of crude oil·Why fishing is for people who hate their kids·Whether there are noise-cancelling headphones with the power to silence James May·Why saving the planet means soggy paper straws and no more children·What to do about the rambler who stole his marrowBut as puzzling and exasperating as life on the road often seemed to be, you could always count on Jeremy to set the world to rights with a rare wit and unique understanding. And at full throttle. Just don't expect it to all go smoothly . . .Praise for Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard
Cat Yoga: Purrfect Poses for Flexible Felines
by Sam HartErr, I think you mean Downward CatHow can you tell whether your cat is purrfecting its Sphinx pose or just being, well, a cat? You may think your cat is just a naturally bendy weirdo, but the truth is, they’re probably one of the growing number of Zen Yogi Cats – and this book is here to expose what happens when yoga and cats collide. Whether they’re paws-ing to enjoy their morning Sun Salutations, working on their flexibility, searching for the divine (laser) light or exhaling hairballs, these cats are getting their om-meow on in the world of Cat Yoga.
The Cat Zodiac: Astrology for Your Cat
by Maggy GreymalkinLong have humans looked to the stars for guidance in their lives, but what about the destiny of their cats? On the surface, cats may seem to care about very little other than finding the sunniest spots to nap or the best boxes to hide in, but they have higher paths, greater purposes and truer callings in life. Providing insight into the signs, the stars and the elements and how they affect every aspect of a cat’s life, with horoscopes, tarot and paw readings for mystic moggies, this book is the perfect guide to the secrets of the cat zodiac.
Cats vs Dogs: Misbehaving mammals, intellectual insects, flatulent fish and the great pet showndown
by New ScientistInformative, surprising and hilarious, New Scientist tackles questions about the animal kingdom from readers in the magazine's popular 'Last Word' column. This book brings together the best of the bunch:Why do millipedes have so many legs? Will we ever speak dolphin?Do geese always fly in a V formation?And, at long last, a scientific verdict on the ultimate question: cats or dogs?
A Certain Hunger
by Chelsea G. Summers'Irresistable.' Megan Abbott'A gory, gorgeous feast of a book.' Kiran Millwood Hargrave'This book is crazy. You have to read it.' Bon AppetitDorothy Daniels has always had a voracious - and adventurous - appetite. From her idyllic farm-to-table childhood (homegrown tomatoes, thick slices of freshly baked bread) to the heights of her career as a food critic (white truffles washed down with Barolo straight from the bottle) Dorothy has never been shy about indulging her exquisite tastes - even when it lead to her plunging an ice pick into her lover's neck.There is something inside Dorothy that makes her different from everybody else. Something she's finally ready to confess. But beware: her story just might make you wonder how your lover would taste sautéed with shallots and mushrooms and deglazed with a little red wine.READERS ARE DEVOURING A CERTAIN HUNGER:'Decadent, sleazy, visceral, disgusting. I can't believe this is a first novel.''If a female Hannibal starred in Orange is the New Black, it would give you a pretty good idea of what to expect from this novel. ... I could write pages about how much I loved this book but it would still not do it justice. Just read it!''This was everything I wanted from a book. Exciting, funny, gory, and most of all the absolutely exquisite writing.''I loved this book from beginning to end, it was dark, humorous and also made me a feel a little queasy in places!'
Chanda and the Devious Doubt (Dream Defenders #2)
by Tom PercivalFrom Tom Percival, the creator of Silas and the Marvellous Misfits – a Marcus Rashford Book Club Choice! – and Ruby's Worry, comes the second title in the action packed Dream Defenders series. Chanda and the Devious Doubt (previously published as A Case of the Jitters) is an exciting adventure that will help children to overcome their doubts!Erika has an amazing secret. She’s a member of the Dream Defenders – a top-secret organisation that will banish your worries while you sleep!When Erika gets an emergency call from the team, she dives into the dream world and meets Chanda – Chanda is struggling with her confidence and a terrifying Doubt is attacking her dream!Can the Dream Defenders help Chanda believe in herself and banish her Doubts, before they take over completely?Discover more incredible Dream Defenders adventures in Erika and the Angermare and Silas and the Marvellous Misfits.
Charlie Morphs Into a Mammoth (Charlie Changes Into a Chicken)
by Sam CopelandThe third hilarious adventure for Charlie McGuffin, the boy who changes into animals when he gets nervous.Charlie McGuffin is an actual superhero. He's gained control over his wacky ability to change into animals - he's even able to use it to turn the tables on school bully Dylan. But there are some things Charlie can't control, like the arguments his parents keep having (which are making him more worried than ever) or the mysterious animal disappearances spreading through town (which might be connected to Charlie himself).Can Charlie unravel the mystery of the pet-nappings before his biggest secret is revealed to the world...?